


Affirmation

by FreakCityPrincess



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, As romantic as I can manage anyway, Bedsharing & Mutual Pining, Bodhi Rook: Savage Third Wheel, Card Games in Space, Competence Kink, Confessions, F/M, Feel-good stuff, Feels, First Kiss, Fluff & Angst, Happy endings though, I just wanted to write something romantic, In which I appreciate a soaked Cassian, Jyn & Bodhi as adorable space siblings, K-2 so over this, Nothing like a near-death situation for rebelcaptain to get their shit together, Prompt Responses, Ramblings of the Insomniac Mind, Resolving Romantic Tension in a Whole Bunch of Steps, Sensory prompts, Unapologetic use of Savage Garden lyrics, chapter 4 feat. mildlyjealous!Cassian, character injury, genderbent!au, now featuring:, periods in space, post-war reunion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2019-07-23 09:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16155866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakCityPrincess/pseuds/FreakCityPrincess
Summary: There's smoke in their lungs and water clouding their eyes, but in this moment they would ask nothing except that they don't die like this.Not with this undisclosed secret between them.[Previously titledcrash and burn. Now a one-shot collection]





	1. crash and burn

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title and chapter titles taken from Savage Garden songs. I love them. 
> 
> Basically, it's 11 in the night and I'm working on a very tedious projet for school. Decided to take a small break. 
> 
> Also, writing in present tense is Not My Usual Thing. Please forgive any mistakes: this is unbeta'd, and I finished writing it well past 12 AM while sick.

Red.

That's it; that's the colour Jyn sees. She's not sure if it's blood, some blinding colour of light, or the flames of an explosion- she can only tell that the colour is red, and that there are hints of other bright colours as well. Yellows and oranges. But blinding varieties. Hot and merciless and stinging to the eyes.

A ragged cough is forced out of her chest. Smoke catches in her lungs and yes, Jyn decides, it definitely is an explosion.

Her head pounds, and her ears are unreceptive. She's only just recovering the sense of sight and smell, at least one of which she could do without. The pungent smell of smoke and fire is invasive, and it sends her into a coughing fit, squeezing the last drops of moisture from her lungs. She rasps, breathes through her mouth- and her eyes really return to her.

Jyn jackknifes up on a rugged, uncomfortable surface of uneven gravel that digs into her palms. Her eyes are wide as they take in the molten world. Sweat runs in rivulets down her forehead and her cheeks, threatening to spill into her eyes, which are anyway tearing because of the smoke. She can the colour of ash, a dark and foreboding grey, sweeping over the road that the bomb had consumed.

Something in missing. An invisible hand wrenches her heart, and panic flares raw in her head because _something should be here,_ and it isn't. She looks around and finds nothing but all escapes cut.

Her leg is caught under something. A giant block of cement, something from a construction, and she only now registers the weight. Pushes backwards on her hands and then tries to haul it off her leg. Grunts and sweats more from the effort, but it pays.

Except the leg hurts and she can't help but bite back a choked cry. Her trouser leg has been ripped right through, with friction- the skin of her knees are red, red like everything else, and display a crevice of raw flesh and blood.

She coughs again, and her eyes water freshly. She gasps for air and scrubs at them, trying to ignore the newest sensation of pain, the sick feeling the open wound brought with it.

And again there's that sharp drop in her gut, that wrench around her heart, as if she's missing something else that she needs. Wants. Cares about.

It's the same feeling she's got before when she's been left behind, or betrayed, or when something precious was taken away from her.

Impossibly, her ears pick something up. Something like a rumble, a low human noise, off to her left side. She scrambles to her knees, brings her teeth down on a scream when the open wound scrapes against the gravel, and she looks around, needing to find the source. The world around her is hot, molten.

There- again, a quiet moan, something that sounds distinctly like pain. She pushes herself off the gravel, using her stronger arms and staggering a little on her legs- her legs, which carry her toward the noise.

Her stomach drops and every muscle is gripped with a primal terror when she finds Cassian.

Cassian, who is lying on the gravel, covered in soot and blood.

His hand twitches, his face contorts into a minute expression of pain, and all the corrupted air leaves her lungs. She limps towards him, knees shaking with every step forward, until she's close, as close as she can get, and she just drops to her knees. Again. Doesn't even register the scrape of gravel against her wound.

Her hands reach out- they're covered in soot, just like his, and bloody swathes, _just like his_ \- and pause, hovering at his cheeks. He's breathing.

She wants to thank the Force. She wants to lash out at it, screaming, and she wants to cry. How had it come to this?

Again she scans for exits. Everything that could've been an opening is engulfed in flames or obscured by smoke, and she can hear, distantly, that there is still a firefight outside, around them.

Cassian groans. She feels him shift under her palms, and so she redirects her focus. She needs to get him up and working. There is no way she can carry the both of them out of this mess, and she needs an extra pair of eyes to see a way out.

"Cassian," she says softly, softer than she intended. "Come on. Wake up."

His eyes flutter, but they do not open. She presses more firmly against the sides of his face.

"Cassian."

He jolts awake, almost knocking her over in his abruptness, and all she can do is push her hands to his chest to keep him from doing that. She pushes back lightly, keeping him upright as his blinking turns rapid and he understands, asserts and adapts to the situation he finds himself in.

His eyes dart in every direction before they slow down and settle on her, and his expression, for the first time, is not perfectly poised. " _Jyn._ " He breathes her name like a lifeline.

She nods, once, tightly. "We need to get out of here. Can you stand up?"

It takes him a while to register the question, but he nods, and she steps aside to give him room. Offers a hand when he can't make it all the way, which he takes without comment.

They stand, side by side, in what looks like a maze of rubble and fire surrounded by dead ends and obstacles.

Until Cassian urgently points one way. She rushes after him, keeping pace and scanning ahead for the exit he'd found. She could see something in the distance- it is possible, she thinks. It might be the right way.

Except when they come to a stop, the tree line is completely wiped out, having turned into a fence of lapping flames that they can't possibly bypass. Jyn grits her teeth, but Cassian doesn't give up.

"I'll take this way," he gestures toward his left. "You check there. There has to be an opening."

She only nods before taking off in the path across the tree line. They have no time to waste. Only, as she runs, she finds nothing; even when she stops to look, and search and scan, she finds _nothing._ There's no way out.

Jyn fingers clench around her Kyber crystal, which has heated up against her skin. It couldn't be.

Yet, the soldier that was once a Partisan knew- the group of henchmen they'd faced up against had planned this ambush to the finest detail; starting with a firefight in a civilian area, and then proceeding to set off a bomb with a very specific radius, ensuring that the tree line would be caught behind them and rubble, which they'd helpfully added their own blocks to, to block their way off from the front. They could safely report to their mob leader that the rebels had been taken care of.

She meets Cassian in the middle, and he looks as dejected as she feels- dejected and frustrated, afraid because their time was running out. He wipes his hands roughly against his jacket, smearing the soot and ash, and runs a hand through his hair, breathing as much as the smoke allows. He grits his teeth when he speaks.

"They've cut it off. All of it. They're firing blindly from the perimeter, so I couldn't even get close."

Jyn's shoulders go slack. She's furious, wants to march on over there and _kark_ the risk of getting shot, but it is unadvisable, and Cassian would never let her. And it wasn't going to work, because they'd be shot as soon as they made it, considering they got so far in the first place.

It's getting increasingly difficult to stay focused. There's precious little clean air to be breathed. "Can you get through to Kay?"

"I sent a distress call. Our location." Cassian holds his communicator, which has gone black. "That's all I was able to do."

Jyn nods. Kay...Kay should be able to make it. Their ship wasn't that far away, and he'd probably have the foresight to approach from somewhere the henchmen couldn't see him.

"Jyn?"

She looks up at him, question and concern clearly written on her face. He sounds unusually somber.

He coughs to a side, clearing his throat of smoke, before he continues, meeting her eyes. His own are soft, softer, somehow, and she can begin to recognise a trace of guilt behind them.

Guilt. What for?

"I'm sorry."

"Don't," she says, sharply, and with more clarity than she thought she could muster in this moment. "Don't say sorry for something that's not your fault."

Cassian doesn't look willing to drop it at that. "I got us into this mess. I should've been more careful with that contact, I _knew_ he could have connections-"

"And I should've been better at my job and kept my eyes open," Jyn snaps. "It's not your fault, Cassian, so don't you dare apologise. You always play everything like it's your fault. That's stupid. It's untrue and I'm sick of it."

Cassian scowls, stepping forward. "You don't know the things I've done-"

"I know the things you've _fucking_ done." She glares straight into him. "And I know what I've done, too. I know what we've all done in the name of the rebellion or in the interest of survival, and you think what you do bothers me?"

"It does." Cassian grits his teeth. "It _should._ And I got you into this mess, I'm about to be responsible for anything that-"

"Stop talking." Jyn holds a hand out, looks the other way like she can't hear anymore. "Just stop."

He does, with a heavy breath, and Jyn knows that this might be the end.

The reserve of clean air is depleting. This little space they've found for themselves has shrunk, swept up in the rapidly spreading fire, and even the sweat on her face can't keep her skin from burning up. She has to blink more sweat out of her eyes.

Cassian coughs again, and she knows it's painful because he almost crouches over.

The were cut out. They had no escape. Like Scarif, here at the end of all things, it was just the two of them, but this time they weren't even in their usual harmony with each other.

It stings. She doesn't want to die here, like this- funnily enough, she feels less prepared for death than she had been in years- but she also doesn't want her last memory of Cassian to be some stupid fight.

He had welcomed her home, and he hadn't left. He was still here, at the end. And he was many things besides- her partner, her friend, someone she could actually say she trusted. Over the months and years, she'd only come to think of him as more than he said he was. And beyond what he said he was. Beyond liar, trained spy and assassin- he was her friend, her most trusted ally, and as of recent times...

More. He is more than anything she's ever had before.

Cassian is looking at her as if he has just realised the same thing.

She swallows, feeling her heart in her throat. Smoke, too. She suppress the urge to break into a fit of coughing, and plunges on. "I'm sorry."

He exhales, shakily. "Me, too."

Jyn crosses those last few inches between them, so that they're standing close- closer. His face is cast in an orange glow. "And." She coughs. Looks back up at him, because he needs to see that she means it. "And I want to say thank you. For...you know. For everything."

Cassian lifts a hand to her face, the pads of his fingers lightly brushing her cheek. His eyes are earnest, the most openly trusting and truthful she's ever seen them. It makes him look years younger. "Don't thank me," he says, quietly, as if they aren't alone in this little bit of safe space. "It's been an honour working with you, Jyn."

She laughs, an almost inaudible sound that comes off more like a choke. "Likewise. You and Kay both. Don't tell him."

There's sadness in his eyes at the thought of Kay, but she knew it wasn't a new thought she pitched to him. He'd been thinking of his close companion, too. Thinking of how Kay would do without him, where the droid would go from here. His thumb grazes her cheek.

"He likes you." Cassian chuckles. "He really does. You should know that."

Jyn touches her own hand to his face and leans up to kiss him. It's the gentlest of touches, barely there even though her lips linger, and he makes a small noise of surprise. But he gives in, soon, and it's a searing, perfect thing when he presses his lips more firmly to hers.

If only the circumstances were different.

They hold each other as tightly as they had on Scarif.

###### 

It’s cool under her head, and something cold, pleasantly so, presses into her forehead.

Jyn opens bleary eyes to find a star white ceiling, and her hands grip at bedsheets. Cool to the touch. She sits bolt upright.

There's an easy flow of laughter to her left.

"Take it easy," Cassian says, smile lines stretching the corners of his eyes. He's wearing a blue shirt that looks soft and clean, and he's seated at a stool by her bedside. He looks at ease with the world.

And then it hits her- they're not dead yet.

She's almost certain she didn't say that out loud, but Cassian has a reply anyway.

"We made it. It was...a tricky extraction, but Kay improvised. He used the ship's nitrogen reserves and the extinguisher on board-" He pauses. "Actually, I think he'd like to explain the story himself."

Jyn stares at him.

She can't remember- no, the last thing she remembers is red, brilliant red and orange, and a lot of heat. Suffocating waves of grey in the air. Holding him, when they'd been about to die.

He leans across, taking her hand, and it's surprisingly cold, too. Clammy, she realises belatedly. He'd been dabbing the wet cloth on her forehead. "It's okay. We're okay now."

She nods slowly, giving her brain time to process what's being said. They'd made it, and now they were here, in the relative safety of their ship. He'd cleaned up- there are no more visible bloody gashes and no more soot on his face and hands.

"Where's Kay? I need to hug him."

Cassian hums in surprise, and it's a delightful, rare moment of playfulness coming from him. "You might want to think twice about that course of action. Last time anyone tried to give him a hug, he processed it as an attempt at assault."

"Dear Force." Jyn rubs her eyes, but finds herself smiling. "Okay, he's not getting a hug. I'll teach him a new insult as thanks."

Cassian's eyebrows shoot up. " _You're_ the one that's been teaching him those?"

It's Jyn's turn to hum noncommittally.

The room settles into a comfortable silence, and Jyn sits up on the bunk, taking the wet rectangle off her forehead. She pushes the covers further down, giving her legs more air and revealing the bandage neatly wrapped around her wound. For a moment she's annoyed at herself for having been out so long that she couldn't tend to her own injuries, but it's a momentary feeling, and it doesn't ruin this grateful mood she finds herself in.

When she looks his way, Cassian is already watching her.

She remembers what she said, when she thought it was the end. Remembers his words, too, and that moment of boundless honesty they'd shared.

She lifts his hand to her lips and gently skims his knuckles. He shifts in his seat, barely, but enough so that she notices.

Jyn looks up, needing to confirm that he's okay with this, that he isn't uncomfortable- and Cassian pushes forward and captures her lips.

Their second kiss is everything the first one was and more. Better. Because now the circumstances _are_ different, and this is everything they could've asked for, and he tastes and feels good, better, without smoke clouding her lungs and nose.

He still makes a surprised noise, when she pushes further, and his lips open for her easily. She distantly hears the stool protest as it's drawn forward, as he leaves it and stumbles to sit on the side of her bed, and she impatiently kicks the covers completely off, her legs making room for him. Cassian doesn't break the kiss even as they make adjustments, even as he somehow finds himself bracketed between knees, drawn up, as she leans even further in for better access.

She resolutely ignores the twinge of pain in her injured leg in favour of throwing the other leg over his hip, so that her body fits neatly between him and the mattress, and grabbing both sides of his face to pull back a little and bite his lower lip. Cassian groans, and he shifts above her, like he isn't sure if he wants to keep going at this rate or slow down.

"That is a highly inadvisable course of action.”

They jerk apart as if physically pulled, the pleasant haze broken.

“ _Kay,_ ” Cassian starts, pointedly, but he’s far too breathless to come off as threatening. The droid tilts his head at them.

“You told me to check in with you. I am here as per your own request. Are Jyn Erso’s vitals in order? Why are you engaging in organic mating rituals at this time?”

Jyn groans, and she’s actually glad for it when Cassian gets off of her so she can glare straight at their unwelcome interruption. “We are _not._ ”

“Certainly looks that way to me,” says Kay. “But what do I know? I’m just a reprogrammed security droid.”

In spite of herself, Jyn bites back a scathing retort. She does owe him one for saving her life.

“Everything’s fine, Kay,” Cassian assures him, and she is secretly releived to note that he is as embarrassed, the reddened tips of his ears giving him away. “Thank you. Could you give us a moment?”

The droid looks his way, then hers, and seems to relent with as much petulant hesitance as a person could. “Fine. But you’re running the hyperspace calculations.”

They watch him duck through the doorway and hear him march down the corridor with loud footfalls. Jyn laughs softly.

He’s smiling again when he looks at her, and she doesn’t think she’s seen him smile this much in...ever, really.

She shifts awkwardly where she sits.

“So. Here we are.”

Cassian’s eyes are crinkled around the corners. He looks young. “Here we are,” he agrees.

It’s a comfortable silence that fills the space between them. She’s suddenly struck by how much more peaceful this confirmed thing between them is than previously envisioned- dreaded. It was why it had taken her so long to say anything.

He clears his throat, and abruptly looks away.

“Do you want to-“ He stops short. Reconsiders his words. “I mean, if you still want- do you?”

He pitches it like this isn’t an offering of the most she’s ever been given.

And he sounds nervous, like she’s going to change her mind, or the offering would scare her off. She can’t blame him. She is known for running away from good things, after all.

But she’s done running. Even Jyn Erso likes the idea of closure, and the thought of having even one constant in a galaxy that is always spiralling out of her control.

So she takes his hand, alleviating that worry. She’s never been quite so certain about something in her life. It’s the same feeling she experiences when she knows she’s done a good job of slicing, or when she’s faced up with an opponent she knows she can take down- except any risk at all this time wouldn’t have to be faced alone.

“Absolutely,” Jyn says, and his smile is the brightest thing as he comes close enough to kiss her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thoughts? Opinions? Should I never write fluff again? Reviews welcome!**


	2. lay like this forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things I love to pieces are this ship and Savage Garden. Also, one thing I do when insomnia kicks in is start writing rebelcaptain one-shots. Turning this into a collection of one-shots conjured up and written after 11pm that are mainly feel-good stuff. 
> 
> Warning: This chapter is by far the fluffiest, most tooth-rotting thing I have ever written. Finished and posted at 00:30, because I’m unhealthy. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The first time they bunk together, it’s purely out of necessity and the basic human desire to not become an icicle overnight. The power goes out on Echo Base and Jyn finds herself following everyone’s lead- two of the four women she shares a barracks with are off-world, and the other two announce that they’re going in search of quarters closer to the engine rooms. They find refuge in another communal barracks with other rebels sympathetic enough to share, and Jyn is invited to join, but the thought of spending a night in a confined space with so many strangers does not appeal to her other survival instincts. So she politely declines on the pretense that she actually has another option. 

It’s too cold and the walk back to her quarters is unimaginable, and she finds herself gravitating towards a familiar door. 

The door is familiar, but the room inside isn’t. She knocks before she can think twice of it, a chill having settled deep in her bones and causing her body to tremble a little. She fidgets with her jackets hoping to generate more heat. 

Cassian is punctual in answering the door, as if he wasn’t at all surprised to have a visitor at this time of night, but his eyes do widen when they register it’s her. He doesn’t ask questions; simply sees the state that she’s in, draws the connection to the power outage and steps aside to let her in. 

The first thing he does is offer to take the floor. 

It’s a stupid thing to even consider, and she tells him this with clattering teeth. She doesn’t need to be barefoot to tell that the floor is so cold it burns. Cassian realises that arguing on that point would be fruitless, and wordlessly goes around to the other side of the bunk. There’s barely enough room between the side and the wall for him to squeeze through, and the room isn’t spacious, devoid of personal effects. He asks her which side of the bed she wants. 

“Doesn’t matter,” she manages to breathe out. “Just give me a blanket and I’ll owe you my life.” 

His smile is a tiny, fleeting thing. “That’s all the blankets I have.” He gestures at the narrow bunk, which has indeed been piled with woollen covers. “We’ll be sharing them anyway.” 

She climbs into the bunk immediately after he does, shucking her boots off without care in her haste to get some warmth. She curses Hoth and its subzero climate for wrecking her like this. 

She curls in on herself, and Cassian drapes the blankets over her, tucks it more securely under her shoulder so it keeps the cold air out. There are two blankets, one on top of the other, and they’re sharing both. It’s a little warmer under them, next to him. 

It’s not easy to compartmentalise given the size of the bunk, but it’s a secondary concern next to the priority of getting as much heat in as possible. Cassian doesn’t seem to mind her knee bumping into his. 

“C-Cassian.” Her shivers are starting to subside. “Thanks.” 

“Anytime.” His voice is soft. “Let me know if you need anything. Goodnight, Jyn.” 

They go to sleep with their backs to each other, but some time between then and actually falling asleep, they wind up huddled together for warmth. 

The generators run perfectly well the next night and one of her bunkmates gets the thermostat in their barracks working again, but she’s found a warmer place to spend the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***gags* Yeah, that was sappy. I am beside myself with horror.**


	3. stitch my clothes in sin (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian Andor is a better man than he thinks he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rated M to be on the safe side. References to past trauma, and the first bit is kind of dark. 
> 
> But I _did_ promise that angst wasn’t everything.

There is a boy in his dreams, from snatched memories of a previous life, with innocent eyes and smooth hands and not a care in the world. 

There is another boy, slightly older, who has watched his little settlement of people being driven out by stormtroopers with flame torches, alone and starving, terrified for what the future holds. 

A child of twelve with a better grasp of the cruel galaxy he's inherited, who's held a blaster meant for someone twice his size on such a regular basis that his hands are rough from it. He's had to use the blaster on occassions, to save himself, but he isn't sure if he's just fired blindly and only caused a distraction or just caused some injuries or killed another sentient. He carries the second-hand blaster because it was stupid with the life he lived not to. 

A boy of fourteen having pledged his life to a cause that became his a long time ago, wondering why he's only signing up now. He's young, he knows that even though he's lost count of the years, but tall enough and wiry enough to pass for an older child. He's sure they know but they don't have the luxury of rejecting anyone. A recruit is a recruit, however young or old, and the cause must snatch them up before they lose the fire in their veins. 

At sixteen years old he's given a bigger role to play in a mission. He isn't proud of the explosions he set off, but the more seasoned rebels give him claps on the back and imply that he should be proud of it, like the squadron of 'troopers they'd slaughtered weren't sentient beings under their helmets. 

It's at seventeen that he sells his last shred of innocence to the cause, when a contact wants an additional fee and eyes him up hungrily.  _What's the worst that could happen?_ The rebellion needs the woman's supply line, and she is willing to give them so much more for an affordable rate they wouldn't find anywhere else. It's what the senior intelligence officers had explained to him regarding his mission. He doesn't want his fear and inexperience crippling an opportunity for the rebellion. 

It's not something he wants to be commended for. He leaves it out of the mission report and tells himself that the new weapons and clothes and food acquired by the rebel base are worth it. 

He cannot pass for a child anymore; his childhood was taken from him when it had barely started, and he’d stopped having a family at around the same time. Now he only has a cause to carry on his shoulders and the terrible, shameful burden of every action committed in the name of that cause. He has allies and comrades he’s come to appreciate, but one of life’s many lessons was this: everyone would leave, someday. The war has a habit of doing just that. 

Scarif had been about righting his wrongs, and then he could’ve finally laid his life down for the cause and ceased to carry that burden- but when had he _ever_ got something he wanted? 

Cassian would be cleared for field work within the next standard week. He’d had all of two months to recover, plenty of time even for a difficult patient, and there is a lot of talk around base of what would happen to the rest of the Scarif survivors now that their Captain is cleared to work. 

He hates it. He’s not supposed to be in the spotlight like this, it goes against everything he’s practiced his entire life. Keep your head down, stay hidden. Strike when the time is right. 

Bodhi has payed him a few visits over the month, since the pilot was himself cleared from Medbay. He chatters excitedly about the rebellion’s stash of ragtag starships and assortment of sentients from different backgrounds, worlds away from what he’d experienced during his time with the Empire. Even on the medical frigate and the evacuation vessels as they speed away from Yavin, Bodhi feels more at home than ever before, except Jedha. Cassian finds he’s happy for him, but a little uneasy. Bodhi deserves a home and a purpose and so much more, but Force forbid he ever turns out like Cassian has. 

Chirrut and Baze sometimes drop by, also cleared by medical before him. They seem younger than their years when they continually bicker under meaningless subjects, and he even enjoys the time spent with them; it lets him forget about himself for a while, and simply laugh at a bad joke. 

Of course, he’s off bed rest only two days after it was allotted to him, keeping to the shadows so he doesn’t draw unwelcome attention, and doesn’t get noticed by any medical staff. He has no one to go to but his crew, so they’re the ones he seeks out, even while a faraway voice at the back of his head is screaming that attachment is dangerous. 

He’s so tired. He wants to forget, just for a little while, that he’s fighting a war he’ll very likely fight until the end of his days. 

The distraction he longs for comes in the form of Bodhi, who suddenly stumbles out of an unmarked quarters, laughing at the person inside. 

“I told you not to touch anything!” a familiar voice shouts, ticked off but undeniably on the verge of laughter itself, as the door is slammed in Bodhi’s face. The pilot’s grin freezes when he notices Cassian. 

“Hey.” Bodhi blinks. “Shouldn’t you...uh, shouldn’t you be in?” 

“It’s not mandatory,” Cassian lies smoothly, and he hates that he’s so natural at lying, but Bodhi visibly relaxes and smiles again. 

“Sorry you had to witness that. Jyn’s possessive of her little project.” 

He raises a curious eyebrow. (He hasn’t heard from Jyn in weeks.) “What is _that_ , exactly?” 

Bodhi pales. “Oh. Oh, kriff.”

Had he come of as intimidating? He is pretty sure he hadn’t pitched the words wrong, he rarely ever made that mistake, but he is about to take it back nevertheless when Bodhi continues, “I mean, Shavit. You weren’t supposed to know about that.” 

He had overstepped, hadn’t he? Their lives were their own, regardless of how much he wanted to be distracted from his, and he had no right interfering. Cassian turns to leave. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb.” 

“Wait!” Bodhi catches his wrist before he can go. He looks at the pilot quizzically, and Bodhi releases his hand, looking guilty. 

“Look, it’s not like- just, hear me out, okay? Jyn is working on something, and you weren’t supposed to know about it because she thought you’d be mad or something. I told her you wouldn’t, obviously, because it’s not like she isn’t _fixing_  the broken thing, and she couldn’t possibly break it further considering the state it was in.” 

Now Cassian really does frown, and he can’t help it- his eyes narrow in that way they do when they study people and want answers. He wishes he didn’t have to turn that stare on Bodhi, but he needs to know- needs to make sense of what the pilot is saying. There’s a crucial link he’s missing here. 

Before he can ask anything, the door is thrown open and a triumphant Jyn stands there, looking degrees less ragged than the last time he saw her. “So I got the blue light blinking-“

Bodhi winces as she trails off, eyes struggling to settle between the two of them. Eventually her gaze lands on Cassian, and he doesn’t know why, but he drops his shoulders and relaxes his stance. Non-threatening. He has to look non-threatening. 

Jyn crosses her arms tightly at her chest. “Captain,” she nods. 

He doesn’t know why his rank pains him. “Sergeant,” he says in kind, keeping his voice neutral, unremarkable. 

Bodhi glances between the two of them nervously, before deciding to take the risk and clearing his throat. 

“So, uh, _Jyn_ , this is my friend _Cassian_. I’m sure you’ve heard of him.” 

Jyn sends a scathing glare the pilot’s way, but he can tell she appreciates the icebreaker, because she lifts her chin up and points towards the inside of her quarters. Not quarters, he realises. It’s a storage room of some sort, but it’s been cleared up to accommodate several toolkits and two low chairs. All the lights are on. 

“Did Bodhi tell you?” Jyn asks him, voice tight. Her frame tightens like she’s ready for a blow. 

Cassian doesn’t want that to be the way she reacts to him. He doesn’t want to cause her more distress, or make an enemy out of her. He rescinds himself to not be angry with whatever Bodhi warned him about. 

“No. He just said you were working on something.” 

Jyn presses her lips together, like she very much doubts that answer. But she doesn’t say anything, and the two of them follow her further into the room. 

Jyn’s workstation turns out to be the floor, in the middle of all the toolkits, and she’s lain a clean white cloth under the machinery she’s been tinkering with. But the parts strike him as familiar. He knows what that is. He’s seen it before, except the last time he saw this particular piece, it had been crushed and bent badly out of shape, unusable. 

On a manufacturing plant on Jelucan, there years ago, Cassian had snatched up a few rejected modulators with the intent of modifying them to work with a KX-series droid. The KX-series had unique memory modulators that could not be easily replicated, and he’d thought that maybe, Force forbid he would ever need it, someday it would help. 

Cassian had never found the time, and many of the modulators had been crushed under the pressure of a particularly bad hyperspace run, anyway. 

Jyn is holding one perfectly made, evenly-shaped black square with a blinking blue light out in the palm of her hand in a manner that looked more like a hostile surrendering of a weapon and less like an offering. 

“Princess Leia,” says Jyn, very quickly, defensively. “She gave them to me. I didn’t go through your stuff.” 

Over the pounding in his ears, he doesn’t even wonder how Leia had got to them, as he carefully, slowly extracts the big chip from Jyn’s palm. His fingers trace lightly over the dents and patterns at the back. 

“She didn’t say anything, just said that I could do you a favour,” Jyn continues. “I figured it had something to do with...that the modulator would make it work if we acquired a chassis for Kaytoo, provided you keep a backup of his memories, and you could probably do it yourself, but I wanted to save time.” 

Kaytoo. His only constant, for the last four years, and more than he’d ever had before that. 

The blue light blinked steadily, like a promise. 

“Jyn.” His voice is so soft it surprises him. He looks up to meet her angry, defensive eyes. “Thank you.” 

All the fire leaves her, leaving behind something like relief. “You’re not mad?” 

He can’t help a quiet laugh. Why would he be angry? He was feeling very much the opposite of angry with her, and in terrifying dosages of it. “No. This is...” He looks down at the modulator, turns it over carefully. “Your work is incredible, Jyn. Thank you.” 

Because several ceiling lights have been turned on, he can tell that her cheeks colour slightly. She breaks away from his gaze to rub awkwardly at the back of her neck. “Well. Good. I hope it actually works.” 

“If it doesn’t work I’ll eat my hand,” Bodhi pipes up cheerily, grinning so wide it stretches to the corners of his cheeks. 

“I will eat your hand myself the next time you make a hand pun,” Jyn quips. 

The pilot clutches his new synthetic right hand in mock horror. There’s still a smile dancing around his lips, and hers. 

 _She has such a nice smile_. The thought springs up unbidden, and it’s his turn to look the other direction. He shouldn’t be thinking thoughts that overstep their boundaries. 

Kay’s chip is warm in his hand, but not so warm as to be overheated. He knows he kept Kay’s backup memories in the same place as the spare modulators; he’ll have to have a word with Leia at the right time. 

Bodhi says something else, and Jyn shoves him, but they both look like they’re alright and they’ve found a place in the rebellion. If not in the rebellion, at least with each other, and he’s glad for that. 

A part of him wishes she felt as easy around him, but he knows that’s a stupid thing to long for. No one would ever feel at ease around him, and they shouldn’t.

(Kay was a different story. Cassian couldn’t understand what had made him so special to the droid. Perhaps Kay saw something he didn’t.) 

It’s a few weeks later that Command clears him for fieldwork. 

He proceeds to the hangar bay without Kay by his side for the first time in years, but he finds he has a team waiting for him. 

 

 


	4. would you like to make a run for it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Canto Bight most probably came up some time after the New Republic - the place got rich because they were weapon suppliers to the First Order, after all- so instead I made up another over-the-top party planet for this fic, though I imagine it isn't all that different from Canto Bight. 
> 
> Also-also, I've _always_ wanted the Star Wars movies to feature, specifically, a casino planet. You can imagine how excited I got when this became a reality and the TLJ promo material revealed it. 
> 
> [Finished writing and posted at 00:30 AM. As usual, I’m going to put down any mistakes to sleep-deprivation.]
> 
> This story features mildlyjealous!cassian and the Jyn/Bodhi Adorable Space Siblings trope.

" _In position. Over._ " 

Jyn's breath rattled through the comlink, and over the rustle of the tall, wiry trees against the black sky and the music that faintly reached his ears from a distance away, he almost couldn't discern the tone of her voice. 

She was quiet, cautious, but not especially worried. A good sign. 

"Understood. Remember, no engaging the target. Just get us the footage and get out of there." 

Jyn huffed into the speaker. " _Too bad. I was planning on asking the target for help with this broken slot machine._ " 

Cassian felt the corner of his mouth tick upwards, just a little, but he refrained from indulging her. Good as Jyn was at reconnaissance, she could afford fewer distractions. 

Beside him in the long grass, Chirrut made a show of stretching, appearing thoroughly bored. "Will we have to explode the fuselage?" he asked hopefully. "I have always wanted to explode a fuselage." 

Baze grunted at him. "Stop wishing misfortune on us." 

"All is as the Force wills," hummed Chirrut, like the Force was his personal friend with a matching sordid idea of humour. 

Cassian shook his head, and turned his attention back on the balcony that is distantly visible from their perch on the ground. They were here because it was an unguarded area (most of the security personnel of wealthy sentients made the thoughtless mistake of surveying only the space immediately around their masters), and where the resort's gas supply lines started. Bodhi had mildly commented that it looked an environmental disaster when they'd studied the layout of the place earlier. Their pilot was currently on the glamorous top floor of the casino with Jyn, acting as her date for the night. The only reason Cassian hadn’t accompanied her himself was the risk of drawing recognition from someone who’d encountered his Imperial alias before, and the only reason he hadn’t assigned Baze to act as Jyn’s security detail was on account of the fact that Baze had no refinery whatsoever, and would more likely compromise their cover than enforce it by means of openly expressing disgust at the golden streams of credits that flew freely across the casino floor. But Jyn wouldn’t need security detail if all proceeded as planned, and if it didn’t- well, that’s why they were around the fuel lines. 

He heard one of the comlinks on the other end flicker to life. 

“ _Oh, gross, that’s unpleasant. Looks like gundark-hide in swamp water._ ”

Cassian could feel a frown coming on, not entirely certain what Bodhi was talking about and what relevance it had to their task, but he caught Jyn’s voice from the same end of the line before he could ask. 

“ _Could really do without the food commentary, you know._ ” 

He sighed. Of course. Bodhi would have tried to fix his tie again, accidentally switching on his comlink. He could hear the faint noises of the casino in the background, of cutlery clashing and glasses tinkling, and credits being spilled onto tables. He opened his mouth to inform Bodhi, but this time the pilot’s voice cut him off. 

“ _Now that- that’s an interesting dish. It’s got the colour of moss on Mimban, and those sprouts coming from it- you see the little sprouts? They look like the lovely alien larvae that sticks to the waves on Kamino-“_

He heard a small grunt of pain as Jyn prodded her companion sharply in the side. He wondered if, very much in contrast to their cover, they appeared more like a squabbling pair of children to anyone watching. Cassian turned his own microphone on. 

“Stay focused, both of you. Is the target still in sight?” 

Bodhi made a startled noise of embarrassment. “ _Uh, Cassian. No. I mean, yeah, we can see a piece of him, but he’s not doing the thing anym-“_

 _“I have a good shot,”_ came Jyn’s voice from her own comm, blocking him out. _“He just met with our mysterious Imperial General. Could be him. I’m going to follow.”_

“Keep your comm switched on,” Cassian told her, but his chest felt the tiniest bit tight. Jyn had no help up there except for Bodhi, who really wasn’t much of a fighter. There was the chance that from the ground, they’d be too late to take action. “Don’t go alone. Take Bodhi with you.” 

He could almost hear her scowl. “ _I can handle this myself.”_

 _“She can,”_ Bodhi piped up. _“I mean, I want to help, but I have a feeling I’ll be more of a liability. I’ll follow at a distance just in case.”_

Cassian rubbed his forehead exasperatedly. Jyn was stubborn at the best of times, and their pilot wasn’t much help either because he always tended to believe that she was right. “I know you can handle it. But we don’t want a situation where you will _have to,_ and one person pacing behind them is going to come off as highly suspicious. They’re already toeing a line as it is, and they’re definitely on the lookout for eavesdroppers. If you go together you can fall back on your cover if it comes to that.” 

“ _Fall back on our cover?”_ Bodhi squeaked. “ _Tell me that doesn’t mean what I think it means.”_

Cassian caught Chirrut smirking when he silently prayed to the Force for patience. The Jedhan had been an influence on him, clearly. “We talked about this. Hold hands, stick to the corners, laugh among yourselves. It’s not so difficult.” 

 _“I bet you’d really prefer to be here instead,”_ the pilot muttered, and Cassian wasn’t sure how he was supposed to respond to that (or whether he was meant to hear it in the first place, or if he was supposed to take it the way that he did).

“ _Cut it out, you two,”_ came Jyn’s irritable voice. “ _Come on. Let’s follow them._ ”

Cassian could afford to listen raptly to the faint whisps of sound coming from the speakers of his comm unit, the cheery music of the casino, the garbled sound of sabacc decks being flushed and credit chips being tossed around, because Chirrut and Baze were keeping an ear out for their surroundings. It was their job to deal with it if any unwanted company came this way. His job was ensuring that Jyn and Bodhi stayed safe, and achieved what they were here to achieve. It’d been a long time since he’d worked with a team like this, and a longer time since he’d been relegated to the role of overhead-eyes, so it made his restless and even more alert than usual. And, for the first time in a while, it wasn’t just his life on the line. 

He reminded himself that this was not a difficult mission. Since Scarif and their discharge from Medbay, after one half-assed trial that decided they wouldn’t face court martial, Mothma and Leia Organa had met with him about giving him his own compact field unit. Imagine the fury of a few Command higher-ups when they found out just who the team comprised of. But Leia especially had a way of getting what she wanted, and although she couldn’t initially set them on missions that were vital to the rebellion, Draven had eventually decided he wanted his Captain back and struck a bargain with the headstrong Princess. He’d accept the entire team into his division based on the outcome of this one intelligence mission, this _simple but important_ mission on a small but pompous Core-World planet. 

If the mission went sideways and they couldn’t get what they were here for, of course, he’d be the only one taken into the division, and that would be the end of their time doing teamwork. 

He listened, intent on catching every word, as Jyn and Bodhi neared their targets. 

_“...hunting a new base, are they? Well, we’d just have to find their list of options.”_

_“Running away, General. Not yet hunting. The rebel fleet has scattered across the fourth reach of the Mid-Rim...”_

_“How long’s it been? Since Yavin? They have to be getting desperate. Sooner or later, they’re going to make a stop on the furthest hospitable planet, and when that happens I need you to report to me...”_

Cassian gritted his teeth. That just about confirmed the source of the leak that had got a medical frigate on its way to join the rebellion intercepted by the Empire a few days previously. He felt sick to the pit of his stomach. An inner voice screamed at him to deal with the traitor personally, but all Draven had sent them for was proof. 

 _False leads,_ he told himself. _We can make use of him by planting false leads._

Still, the sound of Jyn’s clenched teeth and Bodhi’s appalled exhale told him that he wasn’t the only one. 

_There’s no immediate danger. The fleet backtracked from the fourth reach, they’ve altered course since this bastard last had contact with us. We need to keep him believing he’s fooling us. We can make use of this._

Cassian was cut from his thoughts at the too-loud thud of footfalls in his ears. Then the sound got muffled, like the Imperial and their traitor had entered carpeted territory. He could tell that Jyn and Bodhi had changed their location, creating a gap between the targets and themselves, but he couldn’t hear much. Not with the effect of the carpets that rolled down the corridors, and there was no telling how close or far they were. 

 _“Kriff,”_  said Jyn under her breath. “ _Turn back.”_

He heard the shuffling of feet, then a quick hiss and a thud. The comm went quiet for a moment. 

 _“What was that?”_ asked the traitor’s voice, leaking suspicion and nerves. 

Running, now. He could hear them running. Who, exactly, he wasn’t sure. 

Then there was the sound of something hitting metal. A door, perhaps, because the walls were all solid and adorned. He heard Jyn’s breath, rushed, rattle into the microphone on her end. 

“ _I hate these corridors,”_ said Bodhi. 

The sound of a knob, a shake, before it was gone. Jyn’s voice seemed closer in his ear than it had been before, maybe because she was speaking in an even quieter voice. 

_“They hear that door close, they come to investigate, we’re going to look guilty.”_

Bodhi sounded a little wide-eyed. “ _They’re coming!”_

Cassian looked over at the casino, knowing that that was where they were. He was about to call Chirrut and Baze, tell them that they had to act fast, but it was much too soon to make that decision- 

“ _Kriff, Bodhi, I’m so sorry.”_

_“What? What are you so-“_

Bodhi stopped talking, his words smothering out and fading under the pressure of Jyn’s lips on his. 

Cassian closed his eyes, daring to exhale a little in relief. The cover. Right, they had the cover. There would be less suspicion around a tipsy couple that had decided to sneak off into the empty corridors, and it could very well save his friends from a wholly unnecessary confrontation, and from failing the mission itself. 

The footsteps grew louder on the carpets. He heard Jyn breathe shortly. He could picture her silently urging the pilot not to panic, to keep playing along. 

Just to make it clear what they were supposed to be selling, Jyn groaned unabashedly, not loud enough to be obvious but enough to be heard in the relative quiet of the corridors. Catching on, Bodhi contributed what could best be described as a high-pitched squeaking noise. Jyn added a giggle that was almost _girlish-_  well, it worked. They were supposed to be a couple of spoilt young people with a lot of money to blow, and it was exactly the kind of noise one of those naïve holodrama girls Jyn loved to hate would make. 

The targets must’ve found them, or must’ve stumbled just short of them, because that was the moment they decided on more action to go with the noise. Sloppy kisses, drunken groping- it could very well just be his imagination, but that was the image the onslaught of various sounds conveyed. Jyn moaned and laughed a little. Bodhi made...strange noises. Most of it was muffled by their clumsy kisses. 

Cassian pulled his eyes away from the lit-up building and the pulsing neon lights coming from inside. He both attempted to listen through and not listen at all to the audio in his ears. He wanted to be able to tell where the Imperials were, if there was the possibility of danger, but he didn’t want- 

He cursed under his breath, and then out loud, because he couldn’t hear himself think. 

Chirrut peered at him curiously, like he could _see_ everything that was going on. 

And suddenly, his comm went silent. It remained silent for all of two seconds, before he heard breaths being heaved and filthy curses being spat. 

 _“That was kriffing disgusting!”_ complained Bodhi, and the comm cackled as he scrubbed a hand over his lips. “ _Holy Force! Did you eat that kriffing gundark-hide?”_

 _“Hey, you think_ I _enjoyed that shit?”_ Jyn hissed. “ _I’m going to be puking my guts out for two weeks!”_

 _“Ugh, same. Please don’t ever do that again.”_ Bodhi grimaced. _“And you’re a terrible kisser.”_

_“I’m a- I didn’t want to kiss you! I thought I made that obvious!”_

_“I’m not talking about kissing me, just saying you’re_ shite _at this in general.”_

He could hear the first vestiges of a smile playing on Jyn’s lips.  _”Kriff off. If I’d actually wanted to kiss you, you would’ve been overwhelmed by how good I am at that.”_

 _“Overwhelmed. Right.”_ Bodhi snickered. “ _Lay off the gundark-hide and you might just manage to keep a kiss running for more than three seconds. Or, I don’t know, Cassian might have a taste for swampsauce-“_

_“You leave Cassian out of this.”_

Cassian startled at the delayed realisation that his name had been said, twice. It didn’t occur to him- were they addressing him? No, it sounded like they were still talking amongst themselves. 

“ _Kriff_. _Kriff, kriff, kriff-“_

_“Fuck, he’s online!”_

_“Son of a- Bodhi!”_

_“Look, I completely- uh, hi, Cassian. Oh no, look, the line’s breaking up.”_

_“This is...this is a fucking disaster.”_

Bodhi was...yes, he was making fake static noises into the microphone. The fake static turned into a garbled noise, and Cassian decided for certain that the pilot was really bad at voice impressions, before it ended abruptly with the connection being terminated. 

Which left Cassian, for the first time in a mission, confused without head damage being the reason for it. 

“All is well, I hope?” Baze asked gruffly, a little miffed about being left out of the loop for so long. 

“Yes,” said Cassian, a little too quickly, before he collected himself. Right. Questions could be asked later. He’d get to the bottom of this, once the mission was completed. “We got what we came for.” 

Chirrut had the audacity to look disappointed. He looked so disappointed, in fact, that the look was almost striken. “So we don’t get to blow up the fuselage?” 

“No, Chirrut,” Cassian reached up to massage his temples, feeling a headache coming on. “We don’t.” 

 

 


	5. feel like a better man (M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. More Cassian-centric fluff/angst. Though to my credit, this is more on the fluff side. 
> 
> This is part of my **_A Vast Enough Galaxy_** fic ‘verse, and actually would be included as part of that series itself if I’d got more chapters done over there. I’m terrible, I know. This takes place between parts three and six.
> 
> Some context for those of you who haven’t read the series; months prior to the battle of Jakku and sometime after Endor, Cassian- now working towards repairing Imperial damage done on his home planet- asks Jyn if she would consider marrying him. Her answer is heavy with conditionals because she knows the war isn’t over. 
> 
> **Chapter rated M for making out and the writer’s terrible grasp of foreplay. You have been warned.**

The Festian cold had a habit of catching sentients unawares, because the bristling wind and the incessant chill was never uniform across different places. It stung and it bit and it brushed past harmlessly, all within the span of a few footsteps, and it was this irredeeming quality that had made the first settlers choose to build homes with the thickest walls possible and cover every inch of their skins.

The Ambassadorial palace, constructed from layers beneath the omnipresent snow with the credits of hapless taxpayers under Imperial rule, boasted what had to be the most insulated floors and walls on the whole planet. There was no need for additional layers inside; there was no need for heavy drapery or gloves to keep out the frostbite. Even the windows were made of glass that didn’t crack under the pressure of the air pounding outside, big and clear enough to allow the pale light of early morning to seep through.

Pushing himself up into a seated position, Cassian looked over at the light that came in. Slowly, steadily, it chased away the blue-black darkness, making the room feel warmer in the wake of its victory. He hadn’t seen a Festian sunrise for over twenty years, before, and now he somehow had the opportunity to watch one every morning. He still couldn’t quite believe he’d lived this long, that any of this was happening at all.

He felt the space beside him on the mattress dip, heard a quiet rush of breath. He looked over his left shoulder, feeling a smile already start to tug at the corners of his lips. He couldn’t believe he was here.

Jyn stretched on her side with her eyes squeezed shut, like she was deciding on whether or not it would be wise to open them. A patch of sun fell directly between her brows, and this, he imagined, made the decision a little more difficult. This light seemed to enhance her features, paint them with more clarity than he was used to, more than the light in rebel bunkers or starships. She looked peaceful, undisturbed. It was a rare enough sight that he almost wished she’d go back to sleep, against his better knowledge that Jyn Erso was no less skilled in the art of regaining consciousness than he himself was.

She turned to lie on her back before she woke up, stretching her limbs before her in acclimation to her surroundings. The covers dropped down from her chest to right above her hips, and she was soon also drawing her knees up, sitting against the plush headboard. Jyn looked at the tops of her knees for a few seconds before she looked at him.

“What time is it?”

He hummed non-committally, somehow not surprised that it was the first thing she thought to ask. “Is there anything you need to be doing?”

“No, but I normally don’t sleep for more than-“ Jyn winced, squinting against the bright morning lighting that had completely engulfed the room. “It looks late.”

He shrugged. “It’s a little past six. Nobody here starts work until another two hours. I don’t really have any appointments.”

Jyn closed her eyes momentarily, nodding once in acknowledgement. From this angle he couldn’t read her and that made him just a tad uneasy- he had to know if she was regretting this, if she didn’t want to be here and he was overstaying some sort of welcome by remaining where he was.

“So. That happened.”

He looked her way, a little startled, but his heart didn’t pound against his ribs. She didn’t look pissed, she didn’t look squeamish, just— contemplative. It didn’t immediately come off as a bad thing.

“Yes,” he agreed, trying and almost failing to keep his voice neutral.

Jyn met his eyes then, and it was impossible to tear away from her gaze, even if he wanted nothing more. He knew it would be harsh, if she expressed regret now- if she took away her positive answer, if she viewed this as a mistake she didn’t want to repeat.

She seemed to figure out exactly what lines he was thinking along. Of course she did. Jyn blinked, before shaking her head, and she reached out to take his face lightly in her hands. She didn’t break her piercing gaze, which had turned suddenly softer.

“Hey.” The slightest of smiles danced at the edge of her lips. “It was good. This is good, Cassian.”

He closed his eyes against the feeling of her palms, allowing himself to press against them and exhale a shred in relief. He turned his head and kissed the inside of her wrist, featherlight, in thanks.

She leaned in closer, disentangling her legs from the cool sheets to give herself better access, touching her lips to his. It was another soft point of contact, chaste and unassuming, but it served to bring back a memory from the previous night and he couldn’t help the strangled noise that formed at the back of his throat. It was how she’d kissed him right before she’d slid her hand down to the waistband of his pants, clever fingers efficiently working on the fasteners while a cleverer tongue kept him distracted.

Jyn apparently recalled the same thing, because she grabbed him closer to deepen their kiss, tugging his bottom lip with her teeth before licking into his mouth brazenly, making his breath hitch to an embarrassing point. He felt her grin against his lips. Jyn ought to have realised the previous night itself that she could get him to make any noise she wanted.

And she seemed to be testing exactly this theory. She crawled close enough to climb over his legs, making a spot for herself in his lap, and she never once broke the kiss while she did it. A groan tore out of him like a punch to the gut when she opted to settle _all_ her weight exactly where he ached to have it.

He chased after her without a thought when she pulled back from the kiss, but her fingers tangled in his hair kept him from catching up.

“How much time do you have?” Jyn asked, and he was pleased to note that she sounded at least a little breathless.

“I don’t- don’t have anywhere to be,” he managed. “Unless you...?”

She hummed happily, leaning in for another quick kiss. “No. Not at all.”

He was about to make an offer- _I want to make you feel good, please, let me_ -but he promptly lost his voice when her knuckles ran over the bare plane of his abdomen under his shirt. He bit back a shiver as her fingers ghosted over the muscle and conflicting scars there, then nearly dissolved into a whimper when she moved down enough to press her mouth to the jagged line that curved over his right hip.

“ _Jyn_ ,” he said, voice hoarse. He cleared his throat, trying again. “Come up here.”

She looked up at him from under her lashes, a slight smirk on her face. But she obliged, running her hands down the sides of his thighs before straddling them. The thin material of his sleep shorts wasn’t enough to dull the sensation of her clothed center against his.

“I’m not used to-“ Jyn laughed, shaking her head. “You know. Having time. _Wanting_ to have time.”

He touched his palm to the curve of her lower back. The point of contact burned. He couldn’t see the novelty of this new thing between them ever wearing off, because she was the only person he’d ever cared about this damn much. Before, the rebellion had had no competition for his loyalty, but now, when the war called him back on one hand while the alternative was a future with Jyn- he’d made his choice. It all depended on her answer, and he hadn’t exactly got a clear answer yet, but he could enjoy this. Even this moment, even if it was a prelude to something he’d never have.

He ducked his head to kiss the dip of her clavicle, then the spot above where her khyber crystal touched her skin. “I want to make you feel good. Can I?”

Jyn’s breath stuttered before she answered. The sound was very gratifying. “Yes, I— _yes_.”

He carefully shifted out from underneath her, giving her room to turn over and lay back on her elbows. When she’d settled, fully on her back, he gave the skin above her khyber another reverent kiss before making his way down her body. He paused to pay attention to her scars, pressing kisses and passing his fingers soothingly over the spots, hoping she could tell that he appreciated them. The irregular inches of old wounds and scar tissue that panned out in different places across her skin were testament to the lives she’d lived. He hoped that one day she would be comfortable enough to narrate the story behind each mark, as he would also do with his scars if she asked.

“Cassian,” came Jyn’s voice with a note of strained warning. “Stop being such a kriffing tease.”

He bit back a grin, meeting her eyes with feigned innocence. “You said we have time.”

“Time which you’re _wasting_.”

He chuckled. ”Patience, _querida_.”

Jyn made an indignant noise when he ran his thumbs all along the waistband of her underwear, leaving goosebumps on the strip of skin there. He gently bit down on the flesh of her hip, relishing her half-scoff, half hitch of breath. In the few times they’d done this, he’d come to understand that Jyn was much more stubborn about surrendering her voice to give away how she felt. But he could look for other signs: a slight smile, a tightening of her muscles, a little impatient fidgeting. And it made him feel immensely proud whenever he did manage to coax a vocal response from her.

She pushed her hips up, giving him a pointed hint, and he sighed, relenting. Jyn looked the picture of triumph when he finally peeled the standard-issue utilitarian garment off, only to shoot him a glare when he paused to slowly fold it into a neat square, reaching over her to place it on the bedside table. Then he rested his hands on her thighs, smiling nonchalantly at eye-level with with her.

“You weren’t so organised last night,” she pointed out, raising both eyebrows in challenge.

“Last night,” he pondered, not taking the bait. “I just couldn’t find the right moment. You were making it rather difficult.”

Jyn groaned. “For the love of the _Force_ , Andor, get back down and-“

“Yes, ma’am.”

He was infinitely pleased with the startled squeak he got when he put his mouth on her without preamble.

 

 

Bodhi was already awake and comfortable under three layers when they found him in the hangar bay, animatedly talking to the technicians making repairs to the Ambassadorial shuttle. He waved when he noticed them, and broke away from the crowd with Kay flanking him. Jyn corrected the alignment of the scarf around her neck almost self-consciously- on one hand, floor was mostly ice and the cold was biting, and on another, she had a splattering of fresh purple bruises in some places.

“That ship is brilliant,” Bodhi started as soon as he was within hearing range. “A newer Imperial model, 1ABY at the latest, and it has two backup hyperdrives. Two! I think the ex Festian senator had a fear of, like, his hyperdrive breaking and leaving him stranded in space, so he payed for an upgrade with one extra backup hyperdrive. That’s crazy, isn’t it? Banthashit stupid if you ask me, but the guy seemed to have had a lot of credits to blow, which kind of explains everything in this place.”

Cassian nodded slowly. “Yes. He left a lot of damage here. The people can’t even afford basic amenities because of the taxes they had to pay.”

Jyn wrinkled her nose in disgust. “There are plans for selling off this place, I hope?”

“I already have a Hutt contractor,” said Cassian with a perfectly straight face.

“Did you consult with me on this?” asked Kay immediately. “I would have told you the percentages of how unwise that move is.”

Bodhi’s eyes widened. “Wait, really? You’re getting the Hutts involved? Yeah, I mean, they have the credits, but you really don’t mind some slimehole like Jabba’s palace opening up on Fest?”

Cassian sighed, holding back a fond smile. “I wasn’t serious, Kay, Bodhi.”

The pilot blinked, stupefied. “Oh. Right. Of course.”

He shook his head, placing a gloved hand on his friend’s shoulder. Bodhi had stacked up all the layers he’d manage do to find, even though the two of them were only wearing one jacket each. “How was your night? I would’ve taken you both to my place, it’s not far from here, but there was too much of work to be done yesterday.”

Bodhi furrowed his brows as if in serious thought. “Okay, the bed wasn’t bad; very comfortable, more than we’re used to, but it wasn’t to spring-y. I like the chandelier in my room. You could sponsor a village with the money if you sold it.”

Cassian scoffed. “That’s the idea.”

“ _Also_ ,” Bodhi went on, and here he spared a look between the two of them, an indulgent smirk growing on his face. “I’m kind of glad we didn’t go to your place. The walls there are thinner, yeah?”

Jyn crossed her arms and stared hard at him, daring him to continue that line of thought.

Bodhi simply smirked at her and let it go when Cassian didn’t catch his meaning, but Kay was more than okay with playing interpreter.

“He means that your sexual activities the previous night would’ve been better heard had the walls been less thick. My auditary processes caught loud traces of sound, but I imagine the average human range would facilitate much less.”

“ _Kay!_ ” hissed Cassian, mortified. Jyn stuffed her hands in her pocket and gritted her teeth at the droid, itching to do something violent. Bodhi, to his credit, was trying to hide the fact that he was shaking with silent laughter.

“I should be the one who’s offended,” argued Kay. “I had to endure the whole thing because of my superior auditary range, which _you_ happened to program. I couldn’t even power down because I was siphoning data for the Rebel Allaince, again, upon _your_ request.”

Cassian rubbed his eyes in tiredly, wishing the snow would just open up and swallow him whole. “Okay. I’ll be more considerate in the future. Will you stop talking?”

“Did Jyn Erso agree to marry you?”

“Why does that- Kay, shut up.”

Jyn huffed, looking back up at all of them. She only had to strain her neck to make eye-contact with the ex-Imperial droid. “Yes, Kay, I agreed. But we didn’t officiate anything, so for the love of the rebellion, don’t go making changes in official documents or announcing it to anyone. Just...give it some time, will you?”

Cassian’s hand found hers, and squeezed gently. There, he had his answer.

Kay looked as if he was about to object, to unleash a barrage of unnecessary questions, but eventually decided against it. He nodded in affirmation.

“Very well, Jyn Erso. I am supportive of your decision.”

“That was unexpected,” Cassian commented lightly, giving his a droid a half-smile.

“She is good to you,” said Kay, nonchalant. “You have been partners on the field for a long time, so you are familiar with each other and very much compatible. I have also found that you are up to thirty percent more at ease in her presence than not, and your points of conflict are mostly about each other’s safety. Jyn Erso tends to improve your odds of survival on missions.”

Jyn exhaled heavily, disbelief strewn across her face that Kay held her in such high regard. She was almost expecting argument from him. “That’s...a nice thing to say.”

“Thanks, Kay,” Cassian said quietly. “I appreciate it.”

“And me, you know,” Bodhi piped up cheerily. “You know you have my blessing anytime.”

“Yeah,” Jyn snorted, but there was no bite to it, only fondness. “Meddler.”

“Look, I brought you down here, didn’t I?” the pilot protested. “And it’s not meddling if you agreed!”

“I asked him,” said Cassian.

“Which is what makes him a meddler, so that doesn’t really help.” She shook her head, smiling. “It’s fine, Bodhi. I’m glad you got involved. Wouldn’t have been the same without your meddling.”

“That’s right.” Bodhi crossed his arms, poignant. “Now you admit it. Honestly, you two would still be uselessly orbiting each other without my help.”

“Whatever that helps you sleep at night,” said Cassian mildly, and Jyn groaned, because that opening had been just _too_ easy.

“Yeah,” Bodhi grinned. “Because you and Jyn certainly don’t.”

Jyn buried her face in her partner’s shoulder, willing her sudden headache to go away. It was going to be a long, long trip back to Coruscant.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Main Fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702592  
> Series: https://archiveofourown.org/series/799599


	6. Prompt Fic: “Hey, accidents happen.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: “Hey, accidents happen.” by @thegiddyowl. Thanks for this one!
> 
> Side note: I tried my hand at representing a real-life card game as it would be in the Star Wars universe. Basically, Space!Uno with a few additions.

 

On their third day in hyperspace and after their sixth course-change to lose potential pursuers, Bodhi decided that enough was enough.

“You antisocial lot,” he marched to a stop in front of the ship’s common area, where the rest of the crew were gathered and engrossed in their own tasks. “Cannot go on being antisocial in _my_ ship. You have all this quality time to spend with each other and you guys decide to _write reports and play holonet games?_ ”

Chirrut looked up in mild surprise, as if just registering his presence. “I'm sorry, Bodhi, what did you say?”

Chirrut, who couldn't be writing reports or playing holo-rubix-cube-solver, was lost in the music playing directly into his ears. Bodhi had no idea what the Jedhan had on his playlist, only that said playlist was apparently addictive and called for his attention whenever there wasn't work to be done. He had a sneaking suspicion it was a bunch of meditation mantras, which was _fine,_ really, if he bothered to be aware of the rest of the world while he was at it.

“I _said,_ ” answered the pilot pointedly, this time turning his glare on Jyn, who was indeed absently clicking away at what could've only been that idiotic and severely addictive holonet game the entire rebel Base had gone crazy over. “We need to drop what we're doing, and spend time catching up with _each other,_ because we're a _team,_ and that's what teams do.”

Jyn barely registered his words, but Cassian, who had his knees almost pushed up against hers in the corner they'd claimed for themselves (and here Bodhi really snorted- pining _morons_ ), did look up from his report.

“That's not a bad idea. I thought of saving it for when we got back, but this time would actually be best used on a thorough reconnaissance of the mission while it's still fresh with us.”

Bodhi didn't know whether to snort or weep at the prospect that _that_ was where his friend’s mind immediately went when ‘spending time and catching up’ was mentioned.

Baze stopped tapping at his own game (really, that game was an _epidemic_ ) to look up with a half-formed scowl. “We are not doing a reconnaissance now. My mind is tired.”  

To Bodhi’s bafflement, that was the instant Jyn decided to snap back to the real world. 

“You didn't even pause the game!” 

 _What._  

“I'm sorry, but I had to make that point clear,” said Baze crisply. “And what are you so upset about? You weren't the one who missed your turn.” 

Jyn waved her datapad like a weapon. “I had to rethink my strategy because I got _two turns in a row,_ thanks to you. Obviously I _didn't_ have the time to come up with a new plan, and now everything's a mess!”  

“Wait, wait a second.” Bodhi raised his palms. “You two were contesting _each other_ in that stupid game?”

Jyn narrowed her eyes. “It's not stupid.” 

“You were literally _playing the same game,_ when you're in the same room, without speaking a word to each other!” 

“It’s called nonverbal communication, I believe,” hummed Chirrut cheerfully.

“Oh, you’ve got to be-“ Bodhi flung his hands in an annoyed gesture. “Okay, you’ve all had your quality time with your datapads. Put those down now and we can play an _actual_ game, maybe, and talk and catch up. You know,” he shot Cassian a pointed look, “ _casually_.”

Chirrut didn’t grumble, only obediently pulled his earphones out and fixed a serene expression on his face. Baze shot his partner a glare but set his own device aside and turned towards Bodhi. Jyn sighed, following suit. Cassian was the last one to give in, perhaps because he’d been the only done doing something actually important. 

Kaytoo emerged from the back of the ship, a datapad in his own hands. “Cassian, the Corulag report is missing details of the time between your second drop-off and pick-up—“ 

The droid paused, registering the quiet of the common room, as well as the poisonous look Bodhi was shooting his way. 

“Am I interrupting something?” 

Cassian shook his head. “It’s fine. There wasn’t any incident in that time frame; nothing more important than what I’ve already written down. You can specifically mention that, of course, if you think it’ll avoid questions getting asked.” 

By this point Bodhi was aware that he was fuming, on the very brink of his patience.

He clapped his hands for attention. Everyone looked at him again. “That’s _enough._ This is team bonding time. You too, Kay- you don’t get to avoid this.”

“What,” Kay ventured as suspiciously as a droid could manage. “Does ‘team bonding’ entail?”

 

 

“Can I have a Nine Resh?” Jyn asked.

Kay tilted his head at her in contemplation. “According to the information I have about this game, as the impartial dealer, I am not allowed to give the players whatever cards they ask for.”

Jyn grumbled, accepting the card selected at random which Kay then handed her. 

“Nice try,” commented Bodhi with a smirk, before placing down five Nine Resh cards of his own. “Wouldn’t have worked even if Kay had agreed.” 

Jyn gaped at him in disbelief. “You had _all_ of them? _All?_ ”

“Luck of the goggles,” stated Bodhi, tapping at his weathered flight goggles, to an audience that collectively groaned. 

Baze threw a green Nine onto the pile.

Chirrut showed his cards to Cassian, who’d been asked to function as his eyes (which was counterproductive and probably not allowed, seeing as Cassian was his own player in the game, and had his turn immediately after him), and whispered what cards he wanted out of his deck.

Suppressing a sigh, Cassian drew out three identical Nines from Chirrut’s deck and meticulously settled them over Baze’s card.

“Thank you, Captain,” said Chirrut courteously, leaning back to his original place.

“Everyone got Nines but me,” Jyn huffed. She’d accumulated the largest deck of cards so far, because each round she hadn’t had the correct numbers and had had to ask Kay for more randomly chosen cards. “I’m not sure you didn’t do that on purpose, Kay.”  

Cassian’s lips twitched in a barely-there smile. “He wasn’t looking at any of the cards he gave you, Jyn.”

“He’s a _statistical analysis_ droid. He can very well _guess_ what cards he’s giving me.”

“The cards were shuffled without following any particular pattern,” said Kay. “And even if there were a pattern, as I have not been allowed to look at the cards, I cannot discern what it is. The only way I can guess what cards will be handed is by doing an inventory of the cards available and those that have been already played.”

“He’s doing it on purpose,” concluded Jyn. Everyone other than Kay laughed.

“Your move, Captain,” said Bodhi, reaching across her to nudge Cassian pointedly in the shoulder. “We don’t have all night.”

“I was hoping to spare you all this,” remarked the spy mildly, slowly sliding two- no, _four_ Draw Four cards onto the pile, followed by the rare Apply to All card.

Baze made an affronted noise, Bodhi cursed, and Jyn looked utterly betrayed. Chirrut frowned slightly, guessing that whatever just happened wasn’t in the other players’ best interests. 

“You had that- you-“ Bodhi went into a coughing fit. “ _The kriff kind of luck you have!"_

Cassian didn’t look smug, but the way he meaningfully gestured at Kay to start handing out sixteen random cards to each of the other players hinted at a secret satisfied feeling. 

“Kriffing shavit,” breathed Jyn, whose deck had now doubled in size. “I’m going to get back at you for that, Andor.” 

“We all are,” muttered Bodhi, who very well could’ve won the game had sixteen cards not been added to his collection. “Tread carefully, Captain. You walk on dangerous ground.” 

Cassian shrugged in unaffected acknowledgement. “Your turn, Jyn.”

Jyn glared daggers at him one more time before plucking out four Six Ren cards and dumping it on the growing stack. At least his move had given her the room to set the tone for the next round, but given her luck, Bodhi would have the right cards to change that.

Bodhi changed it. 

Jyn nearly hit her head back against the bulkhead in annoyance.

Despite the vast deck at his feet, Baze had only one card to contribute, because Bodhi had played a relatively rare card _again._

Chirrut turned to Cassian. “If you will?”

Bodhi glared in quiet fury as Chirrut managed to rid of seven of his twenty cards after Cassian quietly told him what cards he had available. Sure, that meant Chirrut was making his own moves, but Cassian could _see_ his cards. Why hadn’t he objected to that at the beginning of the game?

After the spy played his turn, he had only one card left, and was miles closer than anyone else to winning.

Until Jyn threw a Reverse card onto the deck, knowing from his earlier turn that he hadn’t a suitable card to end the game with, and would have to ask the dealer for more now that it was his turn again.

“ _Thank you,”_  Bodhi said delightedly, his entire face lighting up. If they were going in reverse order now, because Jyn had a vast collection of cards to choose from, Cassian would certainly get backtracked a bit. There was hope for the rest of them. Besides, Baze would play before him, and Baze’s high inexperience in this particular game showed. Jyn’s move had given him more of an upper hand than before.  

So it was to his and everyone else’s absolute shock and bafflement, of course, when Cassian _actually_ smirked, and threw his last card onto the deck.  

A card he very well could’ve played in the previous round and _won with._

The kriffing _sneak._  

“Wait!” exclaimed Jyn, eyes wide with disbelief. “What the _hell?_ You could’ve put that down before and just won, why did you- _what?_ ”  

Despite his dramatic victory, Cassian looked a tad sheepish. “I forgot.”

 Oh. _Oh._

Baze, Bodhi and Jyn stared at him in abject horror, while Chirrut had the nerve to look slightly proud, like a doting parent.

“ **Hey, accidents happen** ,” shrugged Cassian, who officially had the most ridiculous kriffing luck ever, and a stupid triumphant half-smile on his face. “But I owe it you, Jyn. If you hadn’t thrown that Reverse, I would’ve had to play another round and possibly collect more cards along the way.”  

“You-“ Jyn pointed her stack at him like a weapon. “I am going to pay you back for this. Not in this game, but somehow. Somehow.”

 “Do I have a say in how?” Cassian asked with feigned disinterest, running his tongue absently over his lower lip.

 Bodhi could’ve sworn Jyn’s face then grew ten degrees hotter, a blush rising high on her cheeks before she turned away from him with a scowl, making a rude hand gesture and earning a fond laugh. 

Something else hit him like lightning.

“Did you- Kay gave you those cards on purpose, didn’t he!” 

“No,” said Cassian. “Why would I do that? That’s cheating.” 

“ _That’s_ not an impartial dealer,” said Bodhi, jerking his head in Kay’s direction.

Cassian sighed. “I didn’t ask him to select my cards, Bodhi, you know I would never-“

“No, he didn’t,” said Kay.

Everyone looked at the droid, who was infamously incapable of telling a lie. 

“But I did select his initial deck of cards, because if he won the game, we could soon get back to our Corulag report and also spare the time for a report of Micros II.” 

Now everyone looked mollified. Bodhi sputtered. Baze started swearing a colourful streak. Cassian stared in disbelief. Even Chirrut had a sad frowny face on.

Jyn snorted aloud, throwing her entire deck down. The move grabbed their attention. She got to her feet, casually brushing off dust from the front of her pants.

“I’m giving up, if you don’t mind. And don’t ask me to play this game ever again.”

“I’m free for Holo-Rubix multiplayer,” said Baze.

“Brilliant. I’ll see you online in half an hour?” 

Bodhi was shaking his head quickly and furiously. “No. No, no, no, you guys _don’t_ get to go back to that.”

Cassian stopped Jyn just as she was about to leave. “I’m sorry. That was never supposed to-“

She hooked a finger under his chin, bringing their faces impossibly close.

“ _You can make it up to me._ ”

Bodhi has no idea what the everloving kriff was going on, because then Cassian’s eyes went a little wide, he swallowed then nodded, and cleared his throat before asking Baze, “Can the game wait for about two hours?”

The Guardian grumbled. “Yeah. Just two hours? I have to be bored for just two hours? I really look forward to that.”

“ _Two hours?_ ” echoed Kay incredulously. “But the reports-“

“You have no say in this,” Jyn pointed out, before turning on her heels and walking the other way.

Cassian good-naturedly patted the droid’s chassis. “This _is_ pretty much your fault.” He looked at Bodhi, Baze and Chirrut. “I’m sorry. Kay?”

Kay’s tone was petulant. “Fine. I apologise for prioritizing the rebellion’s needs over the value of your entertainment.”

“ _Kay_ —“

 “I am sorry.”

“Better.”

Chirrut’s serene smile was back. “A sincere apology is better than the shadow of the forest moon over the Jedi temple,” he said wisely.

“I highly doubt that was a sincere apology,” muttered Bodhi. 

They had more than twelve hours left in hyperspace, and they were back at square one again, except this time it was worse, because everyone didn’t even stay in the common area. Chirrut was back to meditating with his music/mantras, Baze was doing Force knew what, Kay was writing reports on his own, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to take a guess at what Jyn and Cassian were up to.

Bodhi retreated to the cockpit and switched on his own datapad.

 _Desperate times,_ he thought wryly, starting a new game of Holo-Rubix.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Taking dialogue prompts now! Feel free to leave a prompt in the comments.**


	7. Prompt Fic: “Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt “Squeeze my hand if you can hear me” by inthebeginningtherewasM. Thank you for this one, I really enjoyed writing it!

The dark interior of the ship shakes, and rattles, the grill prodding into her back and his knees as the U-wing is forced into maneuvers it was never designed to do. Jyn can feel her head pounding, feel the grill make indents in her shoulder blades, and Baze's hand is warm, so warm against the pool of blood on her stomach.

The ship swerves again, drops, dives, and if she was capable of speech or coherent thought, she'd shout at Bodhi to _slow the fuck down._ But she'd also remember then why they were running, why they were fleeing like this, and the squadron of TIEs that were hot on their tail.

Cassian stumbles out of the cockpit with a lot of noise and a stream of the filthiest swears she's ever heard. The ship shakes again and Baze increases the pressure he's applying on her wound; she faintly registers Cassian's presence at her side, too, and he's still swearing in a language she doesn't know.

His face swims in her vision, blurring at the edges. The ship gives a violent lurch.

"Jyn. Jyn."

He sounds worried.

"Stay with me. Stay with me, please."

 _I'm not going anywhere?_ she thinks, but she can't think beyond that, and everything is hazy and fading.

Her eyes drop closed as if lulled by the tremors of the grill underneath her.

The world is still, and fixed, and steady.

She moves her legs to find cool sheets underneath them, warm blankets on top. Her feet are bare, and she's wearing a pair of loose sleep pants.

Jyn groans at the ache in her side, tries to shift into a comfortable position- then winces at the sharp stab of pain that shoots through her body. She looks down to find her torso bare except for bandages; wrapped tight around her middle, holding bacta over her gaping wound and staunching the bleeding, and around her chest, for modesty and most likely because an actual breastband would exert a suffocating amount of pressure.

Old instincts are clawing at the surface, instincts that tell her to get up and run, to hide, that nowhere in the galaxy is safe. But she tamps them down.

The cabin is familiar. She's with friends.

Jyn still struggles into a vaguely upright position so she doesn't have to lie helplessly on her back. She frees her arms from underneath the generous heap of blankets, tries to find strength and anything more than a distant numbness in them. The grazes on her shoulders have been cleaned up. Vaguely she wonders if all of this was Chirrut's doing. She can certainly image him patching her up, with his life-saving proficiency in first aid and field medicine.

Not too long ago, she would've been horrified at the prospect of someone having seen her so naked and vulnerable. It is the same today, it would always be, but with a handful of exceptions, and she doesn’t feel sick or scared where those are concerned.

There is a knock on the door, quiet and hesitant, but it opens even when she fails to answer. Bodhi peers in, his eyes widening once he registers that she's awake. She offers an awkward smile.

He's by her bedside and grasping her hand before she knows it.

"Are you okay? Are you feeling okay, I mean? Force, Jyn, you gave us such a scare, with that giant wound and all the blood loss and passing out on us like that. We were so kriffing worried, don't...don't _ever_ pull a stunt like that again, even Chirrut found it difficult to patch you up and we thought...we thought we had to get back to Base, and we _are,_ but we were afraid we'd run out of time-"

"Hey," Jyn says weakly, cutting through his babbling. "I'm here. It's okay."

The pilot tightens his grip on her hand, before sealing his lips shut, nodding desperately. "Yes. I know. Holy Force. I have to- I have to tell the others, can I...?"

She exhales loudly. "Yeah. And I'm actually feeling alright, okay?"

Bodhi smiles tightly, like he wants to believe her but can't. Still, he gives her a single nod and squeezes her hand once more before vacating the chair by her bed. He's gone then, leaving her to the quiet of her own thoughts for a moment. 

She runs a light hand down her bandaged torso. Even under the thick cloth she can feel sensitivity, residual pain lingering there. She’d still have to go to medbay just as soon as they made it back to base. 

It is a close call, another too-close brush with death that she’s managed to avoid this time. 

The door opens again, with more urgency than before, and Cassian stands still in the doorway, shadowed in the half-light from outside her cabin. 

She can’t _quite_ see his eyes, but she knows there’s guilt in them. Knows he’d been worried and sick with the fear that her condition was somehow his fault, and is now afraid to approach her because he feels he doesn’t have a right. 

It’s a song and a dance that they should be used to, by this point. Cassian never hesitates to blame himself whenever anything happened to a member of his crew, even when the incident can’t remotely be tied to him. He thinks Rogue One deserves a better captain, who’ll have their backs better. He doesn’t seem to realise that that’s exactly what he does, focused as he is on the few blips they meet along the way. 

Jyn clears her throat, and gestures him inside. “Come in. Close the door.” 

He stays where he is for a moment longer, but eventually obeys, closing the door carefully behind him before proceeding to her bedside. 

“You should lie down,” he says softly, not coming as close as Bodhi had, earlier. 

But Jyn can’t object. Sitting upright is starting to stretch her sides, and she’s not sure she can afford to tear any of Chirrut’s meticulous stitches. 

She turns her head his way when she’s on her back again, her cheek on the cool pillow feeling like bliss. He doesn’t come closer. 

Jyn huffs, incredulous. “ _Cassian._ ”

“I’m sorry,” he starts, because _of course he kriffing does._ “I should’ve called you out of that place faster, as soon as I saw those ‘troopers coming-“ 

“You didn’t know they were coming for me!” protests Jyn. “How could you have known? If you’d called me off any earlier than that I wouldn’t have been able to retrieve the ident-chip from our nearly departed contact.” 

“My contact,” corrects Cassian, his eyes dark. “ _My_ contact, who sold you out. I should have known and never agreed to let you in there.” 

“Force.” Jyn grits her teeth. “No. You don’t get to do this. We’re a team and we _all_ have our parts to play, and you don’t need to _agree_ to let me do anything.” 

“He was my responsibility-“ 

“You had _another_ fucking responsibility on this mission, remember? You couldn’t be in two places at the same time, so there _was_ no other option but to send me in? Have you forgotten already?” 

Cassian brings his hand up to his face, fingers pinching his eyes close. He exhales a heavy, shaky breath. 

She freezes then because his voice comes out broken. 

“I could’ve lost you.” 

Jyn scrambles to sit up, then, because she has to reach out, _needs_ to reach out, because he has never sounded this stricken before, and he’s pulling the skin tight over his eyes so she doesn’t see- 

“Hey.” 

She hates that her own voice is breathless, coming off more like disbelief than comfort. 

He stands there like that for another heartbeat or two, before he finally draws his hand away from his face. Underneath, his expression is schooled, and aside from the degree of self-loathing that’s always there at moments like this, she cannot discern anything else. 

“How are you feeling, Jyn?” He sounds a long way more collected than just seconds before. Dispassionate, even, with only slight concern. She can see right through this abrupt subject change. 

“I’ve certainly felt better,” she replies, trying to sound lighter than she feels. It doesn’t rub her the right way, leaving him to believe that it was his fault, trying not to talk him out of the fresh wave of self-loathing that’s risen from this incident. But how can she talk when she looks like _this,_ evidence to him of his mistake? 

Cassian finally, finally takes the chair beside her bed, even if he doesn’t look her in the eyes.

“Is there anything you need?” 

Jyn resists the urge to snort loudly, because that opening is just too easy. 

“Yes. Stop blaming yourself for something that wasn’t your fault, maybe? With some sugar and a cherry on top, please.” 

Mission more or less accomplished, because he looks like he isn’t sure whether to object that the blame was his, or whether to laugh at her stubborn streak of humour. 

Eventually, he settles for a half-smile, one that looks like it’s more for her benefit than anything else, but tentatively holds his hand out to her. 

She sinks back down to ease the strain on her back, turning fully on her side with her cheek on the pillow, and reaches out to place her hand in his. His skin is a touch cold from the ship’s air conditioning, hers much warmer after being buried under blankets. 

She feels her eyes slip closed. She’s tired, and the dual sensations of hot and cold and his presence by her side are just too peaceful to warrant alertness. 

“It was my fault that you got injured as badly as this,” Cassian says, impossibly soft. “I’m supposed to be responsible for you, for our team. Mistakes are inevitable, I know, but in this line of work- I can’t afford to make them. A small mistake like that could be the difference between you being here, and...not.” 

“So understand why I blame myself, Jyn. I know you can forgive me, probably already have, but I could never forgive myself if anything happened to you. You are your own person, and you have every right to run missions on your own without having me breathe down your neck, but-“ He breaks into an awkward, self-deprecating chuckle. “But I want you to have all the backup you can, I want to make sure you’ve taken every precaution possible. You’re so... _kriff_ , Jyn, you’re so careless with your safety sometimes, it’s terrifying.” 

Their temperatures are closer now, at the single point of contact between them. 

She thinks she may be asleep. It’s hard to tell. 

“Hey,” Cassian’s voice again, but it’s more careful, like he’s also wondering the same thing, and doesn’t want to chance waking her up if he’s wrong. “ **Squeeze my hand if you can hear me.** ” 

She tightens her grip on his hand. Lifts her heavy eyelids, because she isn’t too far gone into her rest. 

“Why?” Jyn asks. Her voice sounds strange to her ears- loud, and foreign. Not measured and careful like his. 

He looks at her for clarification. 

“Why-“ Jyn repeats. “Does it matter so much? That I stay safe, have backup, everything?” 

Cassian sighs, shaking his head. His thumb runs aimless patterns over her knuckles. “Is that a real question?” 

“I _mean._ ” She coughs. “Obviously it’s so that I have better chances, but- why do you care so much?” 

He freezes, she can tell he freezes, because his hand goes rigid under hers. 

But when he comes back to himself, he averts his eyes, and his fingers twitch witch what could only be nerves. 

“I care about you, Jyn.” 

She knows. She knows, but to actually hear it- because no one had said they cared about her in a very, very long time- gives her pause. Grips at her heart like a vice, sends her pulse racing in every direction. 

Hoping to quell the butterflies in her stomach, she brings their joined hands up her mouth, and presses a long kiss to the topside of his hand. 

She keeps her lips there and her eyes closed until her pulse stops racing, her heartbeat comes back down. 

Cassian, for the first time in their years working together, is absolutely transparent, and she can read him without doubts for the very first time. 

It’s the look on his face, an expression that hides _nothing,_ that makes her so bold as to turn his hand over and kiss the skin of his wrist, right above his hammering pulse. 

He clears his throat, and his voice sounds impossibly hoarse when he ventures, “Can I—?”

She can’t help the smile that crosses her face, a little shy and a little knowing, before she offers up her own hand, which he takes in both of his. 

Cassian keeps his eyes on hers as his lips skim over her knuckles, his stubble running over the skin in pleasant contrast- and for a split second, lightning cascades down her spine, every muscle in her body tightening in anticipation at the unbidden thought of what his mouth would feel like _elsewhere._

She’s glad for the low lighting that hides how red her face has turned. 

He reverentially sets her hand back down, withdraws- but not too much that she can’t still feel his warmth, because the room’s temperature has by now worked on him. 

“Are you okay?” 

His voice is so, _so_ ragged, and it doesn’t help her cool down one bit. 

“Yes,” she answers, honestly. “I am now.” 

“Good.” He touches a palm, lightly, to her cheek, brushing back the strands of hair caught there. “Have some rest, Jyn. We can talk later.” 

Part of her wants to object, to ask him to stay and test the waters further, so she can snatch another glimpse of transparent emotion on his face and be a hundred percent sure of this...whatever this fragile, and raw, and exciting thing could be. 

Another part of her still feels the need to talk sense into him, insist that he’s never responsible for the danger she gets herself into every now and then, that if anything happens while she’s on a mission it’s her fault and her fault alone. She wants to drill it into his head that he’s not the bad person he thinks he is, that he’s far more human than he believes. 

But they have time, how. She is tired and she’d be better suited to tackle those two desires later, when she’s more alert and he’s free for a longer conversation. They have time. 

Until the day comes when the war or some other force of the galaxy makes its claim on one of their lives, they have time. 

She hopes that day is a long time coming.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Taking dialogue and single-word prompts now! Feel free to leave one in the comments.**


	8. Prompt Fic: Soaked (M)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For @cats-and-metersticks (AO3: TinCanTelephone).
> 
> Cassian Week Prompt: ‘trying to put on clothes with damp skin’. You all know I took this one for no noble reason. 
> 
> **Rated M for slight suggestive content but nothing explicit.**
> 
> Oh look, this has a very similar beginning to the previous chapter...happy coincidence or purposeful role reversal? You’ll never know!

“Close the hatch! _Close the damn hatch, Bodhi!_ ” 

Thunder rumbled in the distance, and a crack of lightning ripped through the skies, drowning out the sound of blasters firing. Stormtrooper boots slapped on wet mud and flooded patches of uneven ground, the rain making their white armour look like ghosts in the mist. 

The U-Wing gave a violent jerk as its repulsorlifts kicked in, wedging out from their burrows in the slick earth with none of the moment’s urgency. Jyn slid on her knee and got three blaster bolts out into the open before the hatch finally pulled up, and she stumbled back and caught his arm for balance as the ship finally lifted off the ground. 

They stayed in place, tense, waiting for the inevitable sound of chase from a squadron of TIE fighters. Cassian’s solo mission had gone far from smoothly, resulting in a broken cover and Imperial clapback. Though it hindered them, the thick grey clouds were advantageous; an Imperial facility in the middle of nowhere with inadequate resources might not want to risk their starships in weather conditions like this. 

But Bodhi was a more than adequate pilot in bad weather; soon they found themselves over the clouds, and within moments they were breaking atmo. He slumped back against the ship’s walls when Bodhi’s voice drifted over the intercom. 

“ _That was close. You okay, Cassian? Like, no life threatening injuries or anything, I hope._ ” 

Cassian snorted. A couple of blasterbolts had grazed narrowly past him, charring off the edges of his clothes and there was mud and a fresh spattering of bruises in hard-to-miss places- but the whole thing could’ve gone a lot worse. 

He hit the intercom caller on the wall. “Nothing major. Thanks for the rescue.” 

“ _You’re welcome. Er...are you going to tell Kay about how last-minute it was, though? Because he wouldn’t appreciate that. He’d never let you out of his sights with the two of us again.”_

Despite everything, he had to fight back a smile at that one. “No, Bodhi. I’ll spare him the details, though I can’t promise he won’t look in my mission report regardless.” 

The pilot’s exclamation of dismay was profound. _“Ah, banthashit.”_  

Cassian closed his eyes, allowing himself a moment to catch his breath. The rain had him effectively soaked; he could feel his shirt and pants cling to his skin, and water actually dripped down steadily from the ends of his hair. He warily scrubbed at his face with a rough glove. The op had been _too_ close. 

Jyn slid down the wall opposite, sitting with her knees pulled to her chest. She was avoiding his gaze. 

He sighed. “Look, I know the mission didn’t go as intended-”

She cut him off with a curt nod. “Not now, Cassian.” 

He ran his fingers through his hair, impatiently shaking the water from the strands. The ship’s thermal settings had him feeling a slight chill up his spine, causing goosebumps to rise along his skin under the wet fabric that stuck to it. “I wasn’t being reckless. I followed the mission parameters exactly. The only thing that gave it away was a logistical error in my deep cover profile on their database, which was only discovered by accident.” 

She snorted. “Yeah, shit happens. Look, you’re absolutely drenched and you need to get out of those clothes before you fall sick. So. Go and do that. Then we’ll talk about who needs to check your bloody cover profiles before they’re authorised.” 

Cassian pulled off one heavy glove, then the other, before tiredly pinching the space between his brows. He’d known this was coming, but still...

Still, the extent to which she cared terrified and excited him in equal measures. It was a feeling he didn’t know what do with. 

Rather than hold his ground and argue, he gave her a curt nod before getting to his feet, shucking his jacket as he did so. The thick material hit the ground with a wet noise, and it would probably leave a puddle on the floor, but he was past the point of caring about their shuttle’s vanity. The air conditioning would suck it up anyway. 

He felt Jyn’s eyes, hawklike, on his back as he made his way to his quarters. Angry at him. Scared that he’d nearly paid with his life for a mistake that wasn’t his. Angry at herself, probabaly, for not preventing this situation in the first place, but mostly immensely relieved he wasn’t dead. 

He wasn’t used to having someone who cared. Wasn’t used to being cared _for._

(There was Kay, for the longest while it had been just him and Kay, but since Rogue One had come crashing into his life it was like he meant something to more than one person.)

With the door closed in his quarters, he gingerly peeled his shirt up his ribs and pulled it over his head. Cassian gave it a cursory look before deciding he was going to wash up anyway, and wiped his face down with it, the water leaving cool patches on his nose and cheeks. 

He turned on the light of his ‘fresher and walked in, to study the accumulation of fresh wounds on his face. A bloody gash on his forehead, stinging in the wake of the damp cloth. A grazed chin. The remnants of rain and mud trailing his neck. 

He cupped his hands under the faucet while it spilled cold water, then splashing it down his front and swiping a palm around his neck. Repeated the monion, then paid some thought to the coatings of mud crowning his head. There’d been a lot of blind stumbling, in that pursuit. 

Cassian experimentally stretched his arm, bringing it around his side. He’d definitely triggered his spinal implants in some way, because a blunt stabbing sensation was rapidly spreading down his lower back. 

In the space of a second, the feeling ratcheted from a dull ache to a million pinpricks of tiny needles, and finally to a blinding jolt that shot through his spine and forced a hiss from between his teeth. 

He swallowed a would-be cry of pain and dragged himself to the ’fresher stall, hastily unfastening his trousers as soon as he got close enough to lean against it. But then he had to push them down, bend his back in spite of the excruciating pain that gripped him when he did-

He didn’t bend over, didn’t push them down. Instead he used the wall for support and lugged out of the ’fresher, stumbling onto his bunk on his back. Threw an arm over his eyes while the implants dug into every sensitive nerve ending, and his hipbone dislocated during Scarif felt like it was about to slip out of place a second time. 

Beneath him, the mattress was soaked and cold from the water he’d splashed all over himself. In spite of everything else, he felt a chill settle in his bones, felt goosebumps rise again as his body started to shiver. 

He tried to hang on to that. Let the cold and the shivering distract from worse aches. 

 _Useless._ He’d felt useless, since Scarif, since having metal implants drilled into his spine. This had been his first solo mission since then, earmed after long hours of negotiation with Draven and persuasading the medics to sign him off, and then...this. 

He’d been about to go alone, too. Without anyone for backup. Because he was good at that. Usually. _Usually,_ Kay was enough, and where Kay couldn’t go, _he_ was enough. 

Until now. 

There was a hesitant knock on his door.

Cassian crossed his arms over his chest, guarding that much of himself from the incessant chill of the ship’s interior. He could get up, tinker with the cabin’s climate control settings and fix it in a matter of minutes, but he was grateful for the cold. It distracted him. 

Another knock. 

It only then registered with him that there was someone outside, asking to be let in. It could only be Jyn or Bodhi, and he trusted them, but he didn’t want them to see him in this state. He was supposed to be looking out for _them,_ not the other way around, and certainly not worrying them sick with his weakness. 

He summoned as much strength as possible into his voice and answered in what he hoped was an unaffected tone. 

“Is there anything wrong?” 

He hoped not. He was in no condition to help them if that was the case. 

A pause, before Jyn’s voice came through, quieter than usual. 

“No. Are you alright? It’s been a while since you went in.” 

Cassian pinched the space between his brows and muttered a curse under his breath. Of-fucking-course. 

“I’m fine.” 

 _I’m fine,_ in Jyn’s vocabulary, apparently translated to _I’m the opposite of fine,_ or she must’ve detected it in his tone of voice or maybe she just knew him too well, because her response was to scoff out loud, warn him she was coming in, and open the door a crack. 

He gritted his teeth when too-bright light from the corridor outside feel across the floor, a stripe that grew steadily broader as Jyn, hearing no further objections from him, allowed herself into the cabin. She granted him the small mercy of closing the door behind her.

“Cassian?”

He wondered how he must look right now, from what he detected in her voice. Concern and confusion, a thread of fear woven in between. The sheets under him were cold and soaked through. His torso was bare, equally wet, displaying all his bruises and scars and surgical marks, and his trousers were half-undone. 

He buried his head back deeper into the mattress, wishing the pain would make him pass out rather than having to endure it while conscious. Through the sick, unrelenting feeling coursing up his back from his tailbone, he couldn’t even feel self-aware.

The mattress dipped beside his knees that hung over the edge of the bunk, and he forced himself to look up. 

Jyn didn’t meet his eyes, but her words were full of determined steel that wasn’t really giving him a choice. “I want to help.” 

He had to try. “No need.” 

“I think,” said Jyn pointedly. “You’re wrong about that.” 

“...thermostat.” 

The worlds left him unbidden, prompted by the shivers that were starting to affect his whole body, now in tandem with the other part of the pain rather than separate from it. He ached everywhere. He wanted to sedate himself or drop into a Bacta tank or just...whatever...that would make this _stop._

Jyn got up without comment, crossing the room. She reconfigured the dysfunctional thermostat with the same efficiency she expended on everything else, even managing to change its default setting in record time- and she was back on the bunk beside him by the time the air vents stopped blowing quite so brazenly. 

“Get up,” she ordered. “You’re going to catch a cold if you stay like this.” 

Forcing himself into a more or less upright position seemed easier than arguing with her, so he let her lace her fingers through his and help him up. He clenched his teeth on a hiss when the move caused a fresh new stab of pain to hammer into his lower back. 

Jyn squeezed his hand tightly, giving him something besides to focus on as the feeling ebbed and eventually subsided. He took in a deep breath to keep his composure. Focused on the feeling of her palm in his, the point of contact warmer than the rest of the room. 

He felt her free palm on the bare, damp skin of his back, moving slowly up and down without pressure. Another welcome distraction.

They went on like that, for a while. The room settled into a more moderate temperature, and his rapid breaths turned easier, the world narrowing down to the feeling of her hands and the heat radiating from her proximity. 

His mind had enough room for self-consciousness, suddenly, because it occurred to him that Jyn was touching and seeing him like this for the first time.  

Her calloused palms catching on the ridges of his scars, the jagged and raw and unsightly reminders of his fall from the data tower. 

“You need to dry up,” she murmured, a thumb swiping gently at the hair at the base of his neck. “Let me help?” 

 _No,_ screamed the small rational part of himself that had not yet succumbed to the pain. _No. She’s done enough. Just make an effort and you can take care of it yourself._

He nodded, closing his eyes at the sensation of her fingers in his hair. Unable to meet her eyes. 

Jyn withdrew her hands from him, and he almost protested the loss of contact. 

_Tell her not to. She owes you nothing._

“Jyn...” 

She came back with a towel borrowed from his ’fresher, resuming her place beside him on the edge of the bunk. 

“Are you okay with this?” 

_No. I don’t deserve it._

“Okay.” 

“Good.” She bent her head in a gesture for him to mirror. 

He did, let her dry his hair with the towel. She kept it slow and careful, but thorough. Rinsing the water. Massaging his scalp with a gentleness he couldn’t remember ever receiving. 

Jyn cautiously wiped the water off his face, barely grazing the bruises. 

“You okay?” she checked in again, her eyes close enough to his that he could make out the colour in them, even in the dark. 

“Yeah.”

“Can I...?” She pointed her chin downwards, like she refused to be embarrassed by any of this. 

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. 

Cassian had to close his eyes and will his mind not to think stupid thoughts as Jyn wiped his body down with the towel, the feeling of her palms over his naked arms and back and chest dulled only by a layer of coarse material that grew increasingly more sodden. 

He caught himself holding his breath and internally snapped at himself to stop acting like a hormonal teenager. This was Jyn, doing him a favour, and he had no right to react this way. Even if her hands were all over his body and that was a concept snatched from fantasies he _rarely,_ if never, allowed his thoughts to stray towards. 

“Alright?” she asked when she was done, pulling back enough that he had time to scramble to regain his composure, school it into something neutral. But he was still sure his cheeks were flushed, and thank the Force she couldn’t see the tips of his ears, too. 

His voice came out freakishly hoarse. “Thanks.” 

Jyn ducked her head, as if she herself was trying not to look embarrassed. “You’re welcome. Do you want me to...?” 

“That- would be best.” 

“Okay. I’m going to- do this now. I promise I won’t- just- look, you’ll fall sick otherwise.” 

Cassian’s eyes widened at the startling realisation that they’d both talked about different things- he thought she’d been asking if he wanted her to _leave,_ not to get to her knees in front of him and _help him take his pants off._

Jyn, it seemed, was determined not to let awkwardness get in the way of being of assistance to him, because she made it a point to avoid his gaze and completely undo the fasteners with vigorous efficiency. 

He clenched his fists in the sheets and tried his damnest not to make a noise or- Force forbid- _react_  to her tugging his trousers down inch-by-inch, the process slow because the material was drenched, stuck to his thighs, and even the feeling of air rushing against the damp skin exposed in its wake wasn’t enough to distract from the fact that she was _undressing him_. 

A strangled sound got caught in his throat as she pulled it down to his knees and further down, finally taking the offending garment off and then paying an inordinate amount of interest to neatly folding the thing and setting it aside. 

This was not how he’d imagined her undressing him for the first time. The rarely-visited fantasy in his head had always been set in a vastly different context, not that it was even mildly appropriate for him to dwell on that _now_. 

He grabbed the towel before she turned her attention back to him, getting the water off his thighs and as far down his knees as he could go without straining his back. He could do that much, for both their sakes. 

She looked almost relieved when he handed the towel back to her, left only to firmly run it down his calves now that the rest of his lower body had been taken care of. 

Jyn almost sprang back to her feet when she was done, mumbling something about leaving the towel to dry before disappearing into his ’fresher, closing the door halfway behind her. 

He knew she was giving him a chance to salvage what was left of his dignity- or, no, she probably didn’t think of it that way, but it was certainly how he viewed his situation. 

He cursed the sharp pain that shot through his back when he got up but determinedly ignored it, making his way to the in-built wardrobe and throwing the door open for extra cover and quickly changed into new boxers and loose sleep pants. He’d just managed the excruciating task of slipping his arms through the sleeves of an unbuttoned shirt when Jyn rapped at the ’fresher door to signal her return. 

She wordlessly started to fasten the buttons when she met him, eyes fixed on her work the entire time.  

“When we get back to Base-” She cleared her throat, and finally looked up at him. A familiar fire burned in her eyes, one that always threatened to engulf him, which he knew he’d gladly allow. “You’re going to tell those careless bastards in charge of documentation that, _whatever the classified level,_ all your future undercover personas go through me first.” 

He shook his head, knowing full well he was fighting a losing battle. “That requires a high clearance that you don’t have. Intelligence won’t-”

“I can’t lose you,” Jyn cut him off. “I _won’t_ lose you, not if I have a say in it.” 

His breath caught. “Jyn...” 

“If I need to have a _word_ with Draven, I’ll kriffing do it. He wants to keep his best asset around for as long as possible, doesn’t he?” 

“Even if I was their best, I am expendable, at the end of the day.” He shook his head. “Perhaps more so now with this...damage. They won’t break security protocols for my sake. But thank you, Jyn.”

“You’re not expendable.” Her fingers curled, tight, around the collar of his shirt. “Not to me.” 

There was such strong conviction in her eyes that for a moment he believed it. He was more than just another weapon of the rebellion. 

But he wasn’t. Jyn hadn’t been here for as long as he had, hadn’t yet come to terms with everything he’d learnt for himself throughout the years. He had pledged his life to a cause that was so much bigger than him, and what he wanted for himself, whatever potential he had that couldn’t be used to serve it, was ultimately insignificant when weighed against the galaxy’s greater needs and the shadow of the Empire. 

Cassian Andor was not a person with freedom for individuality. Everything he did, he did for the rebellion. Every part of his life, past, present and future, was tied to the name of the cause. It was what he lived for. It was all he was ever supposed to do. 

And by the rebellion, he was an asset. One with its uses, perhaps, but all assets were expendable in the grand scheme of things and if he fell, the rebellion would only have to find another to take his place. The only reason he had to prolong his lifespan by whatever’s means permissible was to avoid causing the Alliance that inconvenience. 

_Not to me._

But what would happen to Rogue One when he was gone? 

“You aren’t-” Jyn almost aggressively slid in the final button. “You aren’t expendable to us, Cassian.” 

And now there were people who’d grieve him. Miss him, even. Never find a worthy replacement? 

“Do you understand?” 

He caught her hand in his before she let go, bringing it down between them, weaving his fingers through hers. She would never accept the facts in his head, the cold knowledge that ultimately, _ultimately,_ he didn’t have the freedom to choose. 

If it came down to living for his team, and dying for the rebellion...he had made his mind up a long time ago. 

“I understand,” he told her, because he _did;_ he understood and accepted that his life meant something more to a handful of other people. 

It felt good to know, this feeling of belonging was _good,_ but like everything else he dared to take for himself, he was ready to drop it in a heartbeat. 

Cassian Andor didn’t expect to outlive his purpose. 

But- on the off-chance that he did, dangerous though that hope was- 

His new purpose already had a name. 

 

 

 

_(Rogue One.)_

 

 

  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d highly recommend reading [this great sequel by TinCanTelephone!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17493671/chapters/41203865)
> 
> It picks up directly where this fic leaves off and it’s lovely.


	9. Prompt Fic: “That’s not fair and you know it.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **For the prompt "That's not fair and you know it," by de_temps_en_tempss. Thank you!**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> After their mission on Valite was compromised by a ghost from Jyn’s past as well as their own doubts and misgivings, Jyn and Cassian take the time to figure out where they stand with each other. 
> 
>  
> 
> [A sequel story to [To never taste dependence (but belonging is alright)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13392711).  
> Some context provided, but I have to admit this chapter will make much more sense if you’ve read the original fic:)]

A foreboding kind of silence had fallen over the rest of ship, soundless white lines streaking across the viewports as it sailed through a lonely hyperlane.

Even her footfalls were eerily silent. Bare feet padding against a cold durasteel floor. The ship’s air-conditioning system, as well as the fact that they were in hyperspace, made the dry air cold, sending tiny tremors up her arms, through the thin material of her sleepshirt. The skin underneath was prickled with goosebumps. It didn’t bother her, of course- a little chill was better than the frigidity of Hoth, even enjoyable by comparison- but there was something deeply unsettling about the silence.

Jyn shook her head, a physical reminder to herself to snap out of it. It was a ridiculous thought. This was hardly the first time the ship had been so quiet.

The blisters on the soles of her feet stung just a little as she walked past the common area- cold floors, she should’ve put on a pair of socks at least- and into the ship’s small kitchenette. A luxury, really, but their ship had to be at least half a decade past its prime, and so the smaller amenities came at bigger costs, like inefficient fuel consumption and a coughing hyperdrive.

She dropped as many sachets of sweetener she could find into a mug of watery caf brewed with grounds from the bottom of the jar. Her head felt a little light, every sense a little less alert.

The tang of jet-fuel caf still managed to evoke a bitter taste on her tongue, sharp enough and strong enough to jolt her a little more into wakefulness. She swallowed the rest down like medicine.

She didn’t stop feeling warily out-of-sorts until she caught the sound of something flattering to the floor just outside the kitchenette, and she sat up straighter and defensively when the cacophony was followed by a string of colourful curses.

Jyn set her mug back down without a sound and pushed to her feet, ready to make her way out of an encounter she wasn’t sure she could face.

_“Fuck- mierda, I told him not to store the spare drives there-”_

She walked with light steps to the wall of the open doorway, and slipped past after confirming she had cover enough. Cassian was picking up various pieces of obscure droid parts and datasticks from where they’d cluttered the floor after falling from the overhead shelf. He liked to work on personal projects in his free time- programmings and updates, bits of droid hardware for the severely under-equipped rebellion bay- which Kay occasionally lended a hand in, sometimes doing more damage than good. He had his back to her now, and likely wouldn’t notice if she skittered past, only-

Jyn clenched her teeth. It felt childish to be hiding from him like this. Sure, she didn’t want to talk, but it certainly wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle.

_“...going to be the death of me, kriff.”_

She chanced a look in his direction. He was still picking up the parts- an unholy amount of them, half of which she couldn’t attach a name to- and muttering obscenities in a way he usually never did. He was restless right now, precariously balancing on edge. Just as much as she was.

The realisation gave her pause. If they were both affected by this, if they both felt the same way…

A couple of hydrospanners slipped from the ledge above and hit the floor, and Cassian glared at them murderously. She couldn’t stifle her smile in response. It was actually quite endearing.

Jyn found herself forgoing the safety of her cover, noiselessly approaching the corner of the common area he was clearing up. The cacophony of parts clattering and Cassian cursing was a welcome change from the eerie silence that had eluded the ship before.

Without comment, she dropped to her knees next to him and started picking up a crowd of loose lock-nuts that had spilled from their box. She _felt_ him tense at her side, going stock-still at the unexpected involvement, and perhaps the fact that he was actually seeing her for the first time since that conversation they’d had following the mission.

She remembered their moment of understanding, the mutual admission that they needed one another, the first kiss, the second...and then how Cassian had seemingly snapped out of a trance when one of the ship’s alarms had gone off, and taken the excuse to leave in a hurry.

Jyn dropped the bolts back into their plastic case, snapping it shut as she looked at him.

His expression was schooled into something perfectly neutral- no, scratch that, _infernally unaffected,_ and he nodded politely in thanks.

Jyn went back to clearing the mess on the floor. He worked beside her, saying nothing, and aside from the clattering of parts the ship was back to feeling a foreboding kind of quiet.

She surrendered whatever she’d gathered so he could wrap them into twin rolls in dark canvas cloths, before storing them neatly in a hatch made into the ship’s deck.

She moved herself onto the ledge of the viewport which had enough space to serve as seating for two people. He could keep the floor or join her. Or, doing them both a favour, he could crisply bid her goodnight and go back to his cabin.

Cassian stood up slowly, dusting the seats of his pants before he wordlessly sat down next to her. Leaving a distance of two handspans between them.

They waited in silence.

But Jyn was sick of the silence and sick of pretending there wasn’t something they needed to address. As much as she didn’t want to do this right now, the other option was leaving it for another day, and she didn’t have the patience to get through a longer passage of time in this state. This...whatever this heavy tension was that had come about in the air they breathed since Valite.

She cleared her throat and approached the problem with her usual aggression.

“Can I know where we stand right now?” Jyn almost felt bad for how brash she sounded. “It would make life a lot easier for us both.”

“Yes, I-“ Cassian broke off, but continued as smoothly as if the lapse had never happened. “Yes. That would be the best course of action.”

She drummed her fingers on the ledge, reminding him that she’d asked a question and was waiting for an answer.

He met her gaze then, with a determined but not dishonest look in his eyes. “I’m not afraid,” he said at last. “I meant what I said, about how we make a good team. I needed your help on that mission and it wouldn’t have been an operational success if we hadn’t both played our parts. I still stand by that, Jyn.”

She knew they’d had this conversation before, that _this_ wasn’t exactly the issue that needed to be addressed, but the re-confession made her feel a little warmer anyway.

“And is that all you want?”

The words were out before she knew it, far too bold and early, but they got caught in the air and her throat tightened before she could take them back.

She’d said it in a soft voice that revealed too much. Now she could only deal with it and brace herself for his answer.

Cassian turned to gaze at the viewport opposite to theirs. She didn’t look, but she guessed that his expression was as blank as ever, the same professional mask that saved his life on missions and ignited something angry in her at other times.

He sighed, a long, tired sound, leaning back against the bulkhead.

She could handle this. She could deal with the rejection that was coming. It wouldn’t even be the first time.

Cassian leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, a self-deprecating chuckle riding his breath.

“No,” he said quietly, and it didn’t initially register that that was an answer to her question, not the blow she was waiting for. “No. It isn’t all, Jyn. It’s- it’s selfish of me, and I know this must feel like I’m letting you down. If you want to work alone from now on, I understand. I won’t stop you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be a better partner, and that I...I know it’s unfair by you. I’m sorry.”

The meaning of his words were slow to dawn on her, and she stared in shocked silence even as he continued to apologise for the very thing she’d been hoping to hear.

“Force, you must think I’m such a- and you’d be right, Jyn, because I shouldn’t have- you deserve so much more than a partner who thinks that way about you when you don’t want it.”

Jyn exhaled heavily, because whatever she’d been expecting...it hadn’t been that.

She struggled for words. This was a dangerous line of misunderstanding they were threading here, and she couldn’t afford to cross it.

“Why did you leave?”

Cassian rubbed his temples in, like he was willing a headache to go away.

“I wanted too much. I was afraid I’d ask for more than you wanted to give and then that’d...ruin everything. You’d hate me.”

Jyn blinked before her features settled for a righteously disbelieving look. “What the hell, Cassian. I kissed you and you thought _I_ didn’t want it?”

He looked startled, for a split second- she thought she’d finally talked some sense into him, was ready to claim this as a victory- before his careful neutral mask returned again, and he matter-of-factly stated words that cut into her heart like a jagged vibroblade.

“Why would you want me?”

She couldn’t find her voice, for several heartbeats. Through his carefully-constructed mask she could see real pain in his eyes, a bone-deep conviction of the things he was saying.

Jyn turned to face him, fully, lifting her knees up onto the ledge for better access. She didn’t care that it felt awkward when she reached out to take his face in her hands, forcing those eyes to meet hers.

_Because you’re the only one who came back. You keep coming back and you’ve never let me down. You’re one of the only sentient beings I trust._

_Because you treat droids the same way you treat organics. You don’t pick fights or hold grudges, don’t take advantage of anyone when it’s not for a mission, only resort to killing as a last resort. You lie and you manipulate people when the rebellion needs you to but you never do it for yourself. You care about what happens to civilians who get caught in the crossfire. You’re more human than anyone else I know._

“I can’t think of why I wouldn’t,” said Jyn instead, because she was shite at putting feelings into words, and lightly touched her lips to his.

It was a bad angle, definitely put a lot of strain on her back and probably just looked awkward with the way she was on her knees and his frame was partially turned to face her in surprise.

Jyn pulled back, moving to sit where she’d been before with her knees folded under her. She still kept her gaze on his, daring him to argue her point.

Cassian exhaled loudly, and she knew he was about to.

But he didn’t. To her amazement, he didn’t; he just dropped his shoulders in resigned acceptance, perhaps deciding that arguing wasn’t going to make her change her stance.

That, or she’d convinced him, and lifted a weight off his shoulders.

It still took several seconds for him to say anything.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Jyn said at once. “I’m _kriffing_ sure. I want to keep our partnership and keep working with you and Kay, because we’re an effective team. I also want that because I know you have my back more than anyone else, and I want to be around to make sure you don’t break your neck doing something stupid, too.”

That managed to wrestle a laugh from him. Something in her flared to life, and she knew she had to hear that sound again.

Jyn took his hand and lifted her eyes to his again. “But I also want to know you better,” she continued. “I want to learn all the things that make you smile, and laugh, and- kriff- the things that make you moan and gasp and forget the Basic language.” She flushed, but went on with determination. “I want to know all those things because you matter. I want you.”

Cassian coughed into a fist, a bad attempt to cover up the impressive twinge of scarlet that rose in his cheeks and reddened his ears all the way to the tips. “Jyn, that's… **that's really not fair, and you know it.** ”

She shook her head, smiling minutely. “You don't have to say anything back.”

“I want to.” He reached for her, an offering, and she leaned into his touch, accepting. It was not quite an embrace, but not quite as tentative as they were used to, either. “I'm sorry for being so thick. I've been wasting time, haven't I?”

“Wasting time is one way of putting it,” agreed Jyn. “But I've been wasting time, too. I should've told you sooner.”

Cassian ran absent circles on her forearms with his thumbs. “Just so we're on the same page…” he started.

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't help the fond grin that snuck onto her lips. “Yes. And do you…?”

“ _Yes._ ” He pressed his forehead to hers. “Yes, Jyn. If you'll have me.”

“I said I would.” She ran her fingers through his hair, with a cautiousness bred from unfamiliarity. She hoped that would change. She hoped it would change soon.

Which reminded her…

“Do you, uh.” Jyn suddenly found she couldn't meet his gaze, as intent and open as it was. “Do you want to pick up from where we…?”

Cassian laughed, bringing his hands to cup her face. The hint of breathless anticipation in her voice, a perfect echo of her own, encouraged her to look back at him. Made the nerves and years of fear of abandonment dissipate slowly into nothing.

“I thought you'd never ask,” he said.

This time, each kiss lasted significantly longer. Again they found themselves on the edge of the bunk in her quarters, but it was not to tend to injuries or argue on safety or debate about mission ethics.

Before the fatigue bred from the mission on Valite could fully set in, Jyn _did_ get to know him a little better.

Perhaps much better than most people.


	10. push the shift (M) Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn gets a little more than she bargained for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the infamous trope of Accidental Voyeurism. **Rated for language and slight suggestive content.**  
>   
> 
> ~~Yes I know, Cassian undressing is my kink~~
> 
>  
> 
> ~~Can you blame me though~~

Jyn stalked down the plain white corridors of Home I, fury and hurt and an acute sense of betrayal clouding her thoughts, making it difficult to contort her features into a neutral expression even while many sentients stared. A dozen long-abandoned fears were coming back, of _what ifs,_ like what if she’d been lulled into a false sense of security, what if the people she chose to trust would up and leave her _again,_ what if Cassian wasn’t the man he pretended to be—

They were painful thoughts, making her brow furrow and tension pull at her cheeks. She wanted to lash out at something, someone, _anything_. She needed an outlet, or she needed the truth. For the first time, Jyn had resolved not to barrel her way through with aggression. Not in the physical sense, anyway. She was going to confront him, get the truth out. And if the truth didn’t work for her, well. Then she’d resort to violence.

 _Cassian,_ a double-agent working with the Empire. Cassian, who’d pledged his life to the rebellion, who’d fought for one side since he was six years old, who’d welcomed her home and followed her to Scarif. The very notion was ridiculous, but yesterday’s... _evidence_ had been too much, too solid, and she needed to get to the bottom of it.

She wanted so badly for those discoveries to be thrown out the window. For something to make sense, tell her that her fears were for nothing.

Jyn rounded the corridor that lead into the officers’ quarters, finding it thankfully empty. She briskly made her way right down, to the last crisp, impersonal white door with a serial number, and knocked.

Knocked again. Not asking for permission, but as a warning.

There was no response, so Jyn looked around, confirmed there was no one watching, and got to slicing the lock.

It was almost ridiculously easy to bypass the door’s security despite the two added layers of encryption Cassian had to have programmed himself. She snorted. So much for being an inside-man, not even able to protect one’s own secrets.

The lock clicked within two minutes, submitting her in. The room was relatively sparse, devoid of decoration, and seemingly empty. Bigger than the quarters she shared with Bodhi and Luke, though. A tidy bunk in the middle of the room with soft grey sheets. A bedside locker separated into four compartments. A generous closet space, and a private ‘fresher across the room. She’d never been here before. Each time they’d met between duty hours aboard Home I, it had either been on the bridge, or in her quarters. Had Cassian kept her away from this on purpose?

Jyn stood in the middle of the room, thinking about her next course of action. He wasn’t here right now, so she’d have to wait if she were to proceed with the original plan, but…

But she had access to his quarters, maybe even some secrets he was hiding. There was always the chance he wouldn’t tell her the full truth when confronted, or he’d lie through his teeth, talented liar as he was.

This room probably had more answers than he would give her.

She kneeled in front of the locker, studying the combination lock. Guilt tingled bitterly on her tongue. She had no right. She couldn’t do this, invade his privacy based on a hunch, and a hunch she so _badly_ wished was untrue. He had never crossed any of her boundaries. She had no right.

_Even if the Alliance is at risk?_

She still didn’t believe it. Refused to believe it. Only there were now terrible doubts that clenched around her heart, dark tendrils of fear and betrayal creeping into the vestiges of her soul. Every recent memory with him in it was now tainted with the same doubt, with involuntary reading-into every little action, suspicion tugging at everything he said or did.

It was that same doubt and apprehension that drove her hand to the lock. Traced her fingers over the ridges, unconsciously trying to discern a pattern.

A familiar voice from the other side of the door snapped her back to reality.

“ _Kriff,”_ Jyn muttered under her breath, pushing to her feet. She couldn’t be caught here. What with the blinking red light of the lock, it’d look very much like she was snooping. That wasn’t part of the plan.

“Hold on, I'll get back to you,” said the voice, _Cassian’s_ voice, before she heard the keypad outside rush a string of beeps. Cassian swore in his native language.

She looked around, desperately hoping there was salvation for her yet. She couldn’t go into the fresher, it was a dead end and she’d be discovered shortly, and she certainly couldn’t hide under the bed or anything, because that was simply impractical and the repercussions of getting caught in a such a place would certainly be interesting—

At last she spotted it. The reason this room was so oddly spacious in the first place.

There was a thick, bulky valve that ran from one corner of the room to the other, almost like a storage compartment save for the fact that it held essential parts of the ship’s internal works. Possibly pressure tubes for the air conditioning or something. It was painted white, like the rest of the walls, with a black leather covering that turned it into a ledge for sitting.

The keypad on the other end emitted a beep as it scanned the palm held over it. Jyn had covered up her trace out of habit, but not as much as she usually would. Hopefully he’d put the scanner’s hesitance down to it being in need of service or broken.

Jyn wrenched the covering from where it was fixed, giving her a view into a compartment criss-crossed with narrow pipes with room enough for a toddler, or a very small individual if they tried hard enough. Not pausing to think, she clambered in, pulling the seat back down just as the door buzzed open.

She shifted in the dark confines, feeling pipes and parts of machinery poke painfully into her knees and sides no matter how she adjusted her angle. She could hear footsteps and the door closing again. Jyn held her breath.

This was not a good idea. She was trapped.

Cassian started talking again, no doubt to the person on the other end of his comlink. She managed to sit in a way that made her thighs curse her. There was a broad stripe of black mesh at eye-level with her, for heat ventilation, allowing her a discreet view of the outside.

She could see that Cassian had sat down on his bunk and was tugging his boots off. The room was big enough that from this end she could see the whole of the opposite end, and from his position on the bunk she was only missing his shoulders and up.

“Our records say that the Imperial presence there had doubled since. It wouldn’t be a good idea to send Sefla and his crew without backup, and even then, the risk is too great. This operation can’t be handled outside of Intelligence, Leia.”

Jyn almost heaved a sigh of relief. It was Leia on the other end of that comm. Leia, who was Alliance. It didn’t confirm anything, but it still felt good to know.

“No, I’m aware. There is a chance of compromising this cover, but that’s only if our other agents are tipped off. In which case I can’t disclose the truth to them.”

She felt a frown cross her face. That...sounded relevant.

Cassian laughed humorlessly. “I know. Big kriffing mess. But don’t tell me it wasn’t a good idea.”

He peeled off his socks, pushed his boots under the bed. Bare feet touched the cold floor.

“There’s no reward without risk, Leia. This identity needs to remain solid. When I go to Coruscant, no one we know should suspect my actual loyalties, and if they do recognise me, they need to think I’m in collaboration with the Empire. It’s the only way Imperial protection is guaranteed.”

“Kriff _,”_ breathed Jyn, shock and a blinding _relief_ coursing through her veins, shattering the iron clasp around her heart. It was a charade. It was all just another part of a mission, it wasn’t the truth.

“They don’t know. I’m under orders not to tell them.”

 _Not to tell who? Us?_ Jyn gritted her teeth. Of course he’d follow such a stupid order right to every word. That was why she was here in the first place. Because he hadn’t told her it was an act, and she’d been fooled by the most solid cover she’d ever seen, and too hurt and plagued with doubt to really believe otherwise.

“I want to, Leia, trust me, I _want to_. But if I’m captured by our own agents, and if they’re brought for questioning? The Empire will be following the entire trial, and we would never be able to accomplish what we want if they even catch a whiff of the Alliance being lenient towards a so-called traitor. We have to cover every contingency. You’re the one who told me that.”

 _Force,_ thought Jyn, her fingers digging angrily into the ground. Did he really have such little faith in them, or was he just plain stupid? It wasn’t a contingency to keep them out of the loop. Least of all her, because she _could_ keep a secret, because she’d never give him away like that. All he’d accomplished was put her through- well, put her through _shit_ , riddling her every good opinion of him with false doubts, actually letting her think he was a _traitor_ and that he’d lied to her, turning her blood cold with fear that he’d betrayed them all— what kind of idiotic plan was that?

“Later. When we’ve seen this through.” Cassian sighed, heavily, with such burden in his words that she felt a sharp stab of sympathy. _He_ felt bad for not telling them. He felt just as guilty hiding this from them as she felt for remotely suspecting him of the unspeakable. “Goodnight, Leia.”

Jyn pressed her forehead to the cold durasteel, willing her racing heart to calm down. That was it. Those were her questions and her fears answered. She could sleep easy from now on.

Force, had she really suspected him of treason? She felt like such an ass. After everything they’d been through. She should’ve given him more of a benefit of doubt.

When Jyn brought her eyes up to the mesh again, Cassian was standing in the furthest end of the room, setting his comlink down on top of the footlocker. He didn’t notice the blinking red lights, or perhaps the lights had stopped blinking. She could see all of him now, fatigues and sweat-streaked shirt (had he just got back from the gym?), as well as the lower half of his face, the stubble across his sharp jaw.

And then Cassian started undoing his belt.

Her eyes went wide, various notations of _shit shit shit_ running through her mind in every language she’d ever picked up. She couldn’t be here. She could _not_ be here.

He pulled the belt off, dropping it onto the locker, before wiping the sweat off his neck with his shirtsleeve and briskly pulling the shirt off. This ended up on the floor by his feet. Jyn was frozen in place, rendered utterly incapable of looking away.

Without giving her a moment to process what she was witnessing, Cassian peeled his undershirt off, too, leaving his entire upper body bare. She swallowed hard, fixated on the smooth muscle definition revealed, the sharp protrusions of his hip-bones, the twin lines of his pelvis that dipped down tantalisingly.

She felt like even more of an ass when her eyes involuntarily followed the trail of dark hair leading into his pants.

 _Sithspit,_ his waist was so narrow, pinching adorably at his hips.

 _Look away look away look away. Holy kriffing hells,_ look away.

But she couldn’t. It was impossible to tear her eyes away from all the sweat-soaked, naked skin she had never seen before.

Cassian sat on the edge of the bunk to take his fatigues off, and they soon joined his shirt on the floor. He sat there for a while, exhaling heavily - _kriff_ , he’d actually been at the gym- in nothing but his underwear and toned, strong legs, defined thighs—

Jyn squeezed her eyes shut, feeling like the closed space around her had grown suddenly warmer somehow. It was torturous to be in here, watching him, unable to get away before it all became too much.

Cassian being down to pick up his discarded clothes, and if she hadn’t hurriedly shut her eyes again, she would’ve been treated to the sight of his back muscles and his firm ass.

Which she was already picturing mentally, anyway. So it didn’t really help.

She was not going to survive this. Already her idiotic imagination was conjuring up visual and sensory images of what he’d look like, what he’d feel like under her, or what it would be like for her to run a hand down his chest, touching him and listening to his noises…

Jyn bit her lip to keep from groaning quietly. If he caught her now, she was in no state to explain herself.

Cassian removed a towel from his closet space and crossed to the fresher. Her flight response kicked in as soon as she heard the door close behind him.

Jyn hurriedly got out of the valve-box, replacing the cover, and made for the door. She didn’t even care that she might’ve left some trace behind as she did. She just needed to get out of the suffocating heat that had nothing to do with the ship’s climate control features and back to the relative safety of her own quarters, because she’d rather endure dealing with Bodhi’s prodding than have to face Cassian after what she’d just witnessed.

She would apologise, but she couldn’t do that without being exposed as some kind of pervert, so she resolved to let it be and act as though nothing had happened.

They met the next morning at the mess hall, Cassian greeting her with his usual warm smile.

“I didn’t see you the whole of last night. Anything interesting happen?”

Jyn picked up her jetfuel caf, avoiding his eyes, and shrugged as nonchalantly as possible as she brought it to her lips.

“Nothing you haven’t seen before,” she promised.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a part two coming with reversed roles. Stay tuned XD


	11. push the shift (M) Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accidental Voyeurism: this time it’s Cassian who has a spot of bad luck.
> 
> Direct continuation of the previous chapter!

Cassian slipped into the line of marching ‘troopers, the clean-cut black of his uniform clashing with the white plastoid but evenly matching the other ranking officers in their own collared tunics.

The squadron painted a formidable picture. He could see it, the untarnished black and white, the perfect synchrony of boots and smart footsteps. A show of power and strength in numbers, of wealth, of hardline action without fear of moral consequence. He was part of the picture.

He found himself breaking formation with the officers in front of him, turning down a bright corridor and heading straight down. He knew where he was being lead. He followed without comment, making sure his jaw was set, that his face gave nothing away.

They marched to a halt at a black door, which the Admiral in front of him seemingly opened with a flourish of his hand. Impossibly, he gestured at his subordinate to enter first.

Cassian brushed past the man, and into an unlit room, darker than the rest of the Base. The two Imperials stood in the doorway, casting their shadows along the slip of light streaming in. He paid them no attention.

The tension in his jaw was too much. He was going to blow it. He was going to give it away, compromise this mission they'd sacrificed so much for, leave the Alliance with no return-

But no, he was far too practiced at carrying a facade, and his mask of indifference didn't slip once. It was firmly fixed in place, like an uncompromising shield.

He looked at the figure sitting on the floor, shackles around her wrists and connected back to a wall so far into the dark that he couldn't see it.

“The rebels sent you.”

Jyn bared her teeth. “You say that like you're not one of us.”

She didn't look well. Fresh bruises marred her face, dark circles bagged underneath her eyes and blood trickled down her temple. She had obviously gotten into a fight with the guards, considering how recent the inflictions were, and she would win, normally, but this was not her territory and she was vastly outnumbered.

Cassian knelt down to her level, keeping the steel in his own gaze. “I'm not. Haven't been for a while.”

Jyn looked like she had a bitter taste in her mouth. Betrayal, perhaps, or blood. He guessed a bit of both.

“What changed?”

_Nothing. Nothing changed, this is an act, but I can't tell you, they're always watching me and it puts you at risk._

“The Rebellion is a lie. I've blindly followed that lie my whole life.” He grinned, for the sake of those watching. He hoped Jyn saw through the act, but he very much doubted it. He was living this cover now. He _was_ a rebel-turned-Imperial, and he did not have any sympathy for fellow rebels. “But the Imperial cause is plausible. It's what the galaxy needs, to be at peace. We were fools for believing that it's the Empire that brought this war when in fact all this disruption is the fault of the resistance only.”

Jyn spat at his feet. “Listen to yourself. Do you hear yourself, Cassian? Because you're not making any sense right now.”

_She's right, you're not. You don't sound convinced. You're going to compromise your cover. All this will have been for nothing._

He pushed himself up, straightening at the sound of two ‘troopers entering. They were lead by an Imperial with blue and red on his rank plate.

“Are you done with the prisoner, Lieutenant Andor? We have a termination order from above that my men are very keen to execute.”

_Termination order?_

This was not part of the plan.

Cassian turned to face them, making sure his face was set in stone. “If I may, sir. The prisoner is valuable. She can give us a lot regarding the whereabouts of the rebels and their current activities, and she is far more updated than I am.”

The Commander’s gaze was cold and unimpressed. “All factors were considered when the order was issued, Andor. Step aside.”

_No. No, no, no-_

Jyn was roughly handled and landed with her cheek to the floor, a blaster held point-blank at her head, and Cassian broke character.

“Jyn-”

It didn't help. 

 

 

He woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, feeling choked. For ten horrifying seconds, his lungs felt crushed and the sound of a blaster going off rang in his ears, before the fog in his head slowly dissipated and the line between dream and reality came into view.

Cassian kicked the covers off, finding the normally insufficient weight of them too heavy. He rubbed at his eyes, trying to clear his head. It wasn't real. It wasn't real. 

In the darkness, the walls of his Alliance quarters seemed to cage him, to stare accusingly. 

 _Traitor. Imperial._  

 _You murdered Jyn._  

“No,” he said aloud, and when he didn't sound convinced, he shouted it. His heart felt too fast in his chest. Images from the dream, blurry and surreal, came back to him at a rate. An army of ‘troopers. Clean white and black, everything a standard, with none of the leniency or raggedness of an Alliance Base. Jyn, in shackles. Jyn, looking at him with hatred in her eyes. 

“Kriff,” he breathed, crushing the heels of his palms to his eyes. His voice came out in a helpless whimper. The room felt cold. 

His rational half reminded him that his mission was scheduled for two months from now. 

Two months, and he'd ‘leave’ the Alliance, ‘selling’ information to the Empire. Two months, and all of Rogue One and anyone who ever held him in any regard would think of him as a bloodless traitor. 

He'd thought he was ready for that last aspect of it, but now, thinking of his crew, thinking of what they'd view him as- what they'd, perhaps, _die_ viewing him as-  

Cassian pushed himself up and off the bunk, slipping on his boots without thinking. Maybe he couldn't tell everyone now, and maybe it was too late to call off the mission, but if, say, _one_ person knew, if the person who mattered most knew-  

“Fuck,” he muttered, finishing up his laces. Ever since the announcement of this mission, it was becoming increasingly apparent to him what feelings he was hiding from himself all this time. It had pushed him to realise that he was in denial, that he had feelings for Jyn Erso, and the last thing he wanted in the world was for Jyn to remember him in bad taste. 

He'd thought so much about her lately that it frightened him. He was in far too deep. He didn't know how that had happened. But now, he couldn't even pretend that every coveted glance of hers, every brush of her fingers didn't spark a dozen dangerous fantasies in his idiot brain.

Thoughts of spending more time with Jyn, discussing their pasts. Thoughts of her solo missions and how he could possibly ensure her safety from all the way where he was. Occasionally (far too frequently than he liked to admit), even thoughts of her in his bed, teaching him things no other sentient was allowed to learn, letting him touch and taste and discover her body until they were both sated. 

Tonight there wasn't a thought in his head except that she deserved the truth. It was perhaps selfish of him, perhaps not in the best interests of his mission, but he didn't want to walk on-board an Imperial vessel two months from now to learn that Jyn Erso was dead, and had died thinking he belonged with the Imps. 

He walked to Jyn’s shared quarters from muscle memory, only hesitating when he was right at the door. It was late at night, but Jyn had a late shift the following morning, and Luke and Bodhi were heavy sleepers. Chances are she was the only one he'd wind up disturbing.

However, it was a very dazed-looking Luke Skywalker that opened the door for him. 

“Jyn is-” Luke broke off into a yawn. “'s sorry. Jyn normally uses this time to-” He yawned again, widely. “Excuse me. Exercise. You'll find her in the gym, probably.”

Cassian nodded his thanks.

The corridor leading up to Home I’s gym room - at least the one used by officers of lower rank- was empty and on a low-light setting. He checked the more equipped rooms to find them empty, and concluded she must be in the sparring room. He approached the door at the very end of the corridor and looked through its in-built window to confirm.

Sure enough, Jyn was having it out with a punching bag, landing blow after blow as if personally insulted. She was lightning-quick, brutal. As he always did whenever he watched her fight, Cassian found himself transfixed. 

The only sounds in the room were that of the bag being pummelled and her heavy breathing. In an instance Jyn switched to side-kicks, and he settled back to watch. This was not something he wanted to interrupt. He'd go in as soon as she was done it this set.

She was beautiful when she fought. Lethal, terrifying to be on the receiving end of, but her movements were graceful, like a dance. She moved like fluid, with complete mastery over every muscle in her body, and even with a docile punching bag for an opponent, it showed that she was made for combat. 

When Jyn finally finished her set, it was to grab the rapidly swinging bag and rest her forehead against it, panting loudly. He could hear it from the other side of the door. 

This was...less than fortunate for him, really, because the sight and sound of Jyn drenched in sweat, skin flushed and panting in exertion brought memories of several guilty nights spent imagining those very things in a vastly different context. 

Maybe he should wait longer. Collect his stupid thoughts, give her time to cool off. 

He somehow got even more unlucky. 

Jyn stepped back from the bag, stretching her arms over her head and working the kinks from her shoulders. She lifted the corner of her shirt up to wipe the sweat off her face, before rapidly proceeding to tear her shirt off altogether. 

_Mierda._

Cassian stumbled back, catching himself just in time before he made any kind of noise. He watched, frozen, as she made her way over to the bar on the opposite end of the room and started a set of stretching exercises. She had very strong arms, slick with sweat, defined abdominal muscles and a toned back, albeit with a few spatterings of scar tissue that only made her seem deadlier.

Competent. Capable. 

He should turn around. He had no right to see her like this, when she wasn't even aware, watching her like some kind of pervert. 

But he found he couldn't. It was impossible to force his eyes away from Jyn, and it was only when she reached behind her back to unclasp her combat bra that he finally managed to shut his eyes. 

When he opened them again, she had mercifully changed into a new shirt, and was throwing a jacket over her shoulders. 

He should talk to her now. Pretend he just got here. 

His higher thought processes were scrambled. 

Right. He'd just spent a good fifteen minutes watching Jyn undress and trying not to imagine her strong body over his, or her arms coming around his neck as she kissed him, or moving with her on a creaking bunk hard and fast with all the ferocity she put into fighting… 

Now was probably not the best time.

“Cassian?”

He jolted out of his thoughts, nearly jumping at the sound of her voice.

Jyn had just stepped out of the room, the door still sliding shut behind her. She looked confused.

“I just got here,” he said, and immediately felt like an idiot, but gathered himself. “Luke said I'd find you here. Do you have a moment?” 

Jyn blinked. “Yeah, shouldn't be a problem. What's up?”

Her face was still flushed pink from exertion, but this time he was more successful in not thinking about that.

“I have to talk to you about an upcoming mission.” 

She raised an eyebrow. “At one in the morning?” 

_Please don't draw the connection that I was just standing here staring._

Cassian kept an impassive face. “I just came to the decision to tell you about it. Someone in the crew had to know, and I thought...well, you're generally good at having my back.”

It was the right words, because Jyn’s lips turned up in a grin. “I know I am. Walk with me?”

He nodded, falling in stride with her as they continued down the corridor. It was deserted at this hour, but he made double-sure no one was around to listen. Jyn looked at him expectantly, and he took a breath.

“If I've been acting...strange, lately…”

She froze in her tracks. Of course she'd noticed by this point. Her suspicions had to be eating into her head, and he felt pained that she'd actually gone some amount of time believing he was who his cover said he was. 

Jyn shook her head, snapping out of it. “We need to have this conversation somewhere private.” 

“My quarters?” proposed his idiot mouth before he could consider his words.

“Yeah. Yeah, perfect.” 

Even with her suspicions, if Jyn was willing to follow him, hear what he had to say for himself… 

It made something pleasantly warm expand in his chest, brought back those thoughts of love and his urge to let her in, tell her everything.

“I don't deserve you,” he breathed.

Jyn whipped around to look at him. “What?” 

Cassian shook his head, slipping into a smile that he really meant. “Nothing. I just want to clear some doubts, about my behaviour lately.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jyn touched her fingers to his forearm, and he felt as though she already knew.

Their shoulders brushed as they continued towards his quarters, and while he noted that they walked far too close together than was strictly necessary in the spacious chambers of Home I, he didn't have any objections.

  
  



	12. take me over (push the shift, Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian returns from a long-term undercover mission to find that some things have changed, and that some things haven't. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this the angsty sequel to the last two chapters! 
> 
> Tears ahead.

The Rebellion was scattered, stationed on various different moons across the Outer Rim and hidden in the shadows of ally worlds after the victory on Endor. 

Pursued by a crumbling Empire desperate to regain control, even while the wider galaxy celebrated its downfall. 

The world around him is alight with colour, bright and vivid and blinding. It's almost dreamlike, except he's never seen such colour in his dreams, haunted as they were by featureless black and white and the colour of dirty snow on Fest. 

And there's every other sense that's being fired up on top of that. The festival is loud, full of screaming children and chattering sentients of various breeds, humanoids and others that he hasn't seen for years. Firecrackers go off on the road, and if they were isolated sounds he'd flinch at them, but everything else is louder and unfamiliar and dizzying. 

The smell of stirred dust and fried foodstuffs, sweat and floral aromas sting in his nose, makes his brain hurt. He sees stars behind his eyes when he closes them. He sweats through his civilian clothing, which clings in an unfamiliar way to his body. 

It's overwhelming. The natives of Edero are celebrating the harvest festival in a grand scale this year, but they're also celebrating the first one in decades, because the thus-far Imperial occupied world now has its first taste of freedom. 

Cassian pushes his way through the crowds on the pavement and past the vendors selling mouthwatering treats. He searches for any empty routes he can take, his eyes darting on and off to the brick-red building the next road over, close by illusion but far away given all he'd have to get through first. 

His heart spins too fast in his chest. He wants to sit down, he wants to drown all the sensations out. It's too much at once, a sensory assault when his every sense has been dead for too long. 

Only the frequent glances at the red building keep him going. Only the thought of reaching it. 

He nearly knocks into a vendor struggling to pull his cart through the pavement-crowds. 

"Noble sir, will you help me get my cart to the wall?" 

Cassian blinks, startled at the question directed his way. He hadn't expected anyone to talk to him. Much less ask him, _him_ , for help.

He looks down at the cart. It's loaded with items of meat and little clay pots with bubbling sugar syrups inside them, quaintly decorated with the flowers of the harvest and painted a vibrant yellow, like many other things in this mess of sound and colour. 

And, Cassian hasn't felt human in a long time, but somehow, helping a stranger with a task as mundane as trudging a cart along the pavement manages to crack the surface. 

He's speechless when the vendor hands him a bag of goods in gratitude. The bag is heated, and a sharp smell of flavours wafts through the thin plastic.

He only nods a thanks before he hurries away. The red building draws him in. 

Cassian finds a route he can use, but it means he has to ignore traders who want to haggle with him and young children offering flowers to every passerby in competition with one another. He brushes them off and settles into a brisk walk. After the first few times, nobody disturbs the important-looking man. 

When he gets to the front of the building, he's met with a non-automatic door, which swings open after a flimsy push. Inside, it's musky and dilapidated, the lobby decorated with harvest decor but the reception desk empty. It's alright. He doesn't need to consult anyone at this stage to know where to go. 

Cassian pushes the button on the turbolift and steps back, rocking on his heels, hands shoved inside his pockets. The hot bag of sweets dangles from his wrist. He has to free one of his hands to wipe at the sweat forming on his brow, but there's still more sweat, and he knows it now has nothing to do with the heat. 

The lift doors open, and he nearly jumps back. 

The ride up is slow and rickety, enough to work his nerves up to a fever pitch. He's nervous, he knows that- has been since the assignment ended and High Command had contacted him, giving him a new name and identity and telling him where to go- but he never expected that when the time for this encounter came that he wouldn't be ready. 

He'd been waiting years, after all. Every night of the past four years he'd dreamed of this moment, grasped for it during lonely hours in an Imperial uniform that made his skin itch, called on the thought of her to keep his will intact whenever he felt less human and more Imperial. 

Watching the rebellion from outside while feeding them information, projecting the image of a traitor to the Alliance and the Empire's newest rebel lapdog. Watching the Empire's victory on Hoth from the viewport of a Star Destroyer, unable to do anything or even express regret at the ships being gunned down, and later, watching the rebellion take the ultimate victory on Endor. 

All the while wondering where his team was, if they'd survived these battles or if they'd died in other offensives, and never getting answers. 

For four years the thought of seeing Jyn again had kept him going, and he hadn't known for sure since yesterday whether she was even alive. 

The turbolift shudders to a halt, its doors opening with excruciating slowness. 

Cassian stumbles out and onto a dusty floor. The tiles are the same that the lobby had, a dirty beige colour, but it helps that it isn't stark white like all the places he's served the last few years. The walls are pale yellow, patched with leaked water. His intuition tells him that the floor looks abandoned only because of the dust coming from the exuberant festival outside its windows, and that after the festival was over someone would clean the floors and the building would look truly residential. 

His heart thuds in his ribcage when he knocks on the door labeled 6/7. He could've used the intercom, the doors weren't made for knocking, but his throat feels parched and he knows he can't summon words yet. His fingers tighten around the bag's strap, digging into his palms. 

Cassian's legs almost give way under him when the door slides open, and on the other end is...

Her eyes are wide, her lips parted in shock, and she takes a stumbling step backwards. He stays where he is, trembling. His jaw is starting to tighten with unreleased tension. 

Jyn opens her mouth, closes it again, shakes her head. Blinks and looks at him again. Like she can't quite believe he's here. 

Cassian clears his throat. He feels exposed standing in the hallway, when he knows there are other residents. 

"Can I...?" 

His voice cracks. 

Jyn nods, and she slams her palm against the lock the moment he's in. Her eyes drift everywhere but in his direction when she leads him inside, until they're in a small living room with padded seats and paintings that probably came with the apartment. 

She sits across from him, and his first thought is that it's too far away and he wants to reach out.

"I brought..." He awkwardly detangles the bag from his hands and sets it down on the table between them. "Just...from the street. You might like it." 

Jyn holds a hand to her chest, like she's still recoiling from shock, but then she visibly swallows and the hand goes up to her mouth, clenching around her cheeks. 

Cassian has never in his life seen Jyn Erso cry. There have been tears in her eyes before, yes, mostly associated with physical pain, but he's never...not like this. 

Jyn cries. She screws her eyes shut and she hunches over in her seat and cries, her entire body racking with sobs, and he doesn't know what to do or how he can fix this but his gut response is to hurry to her, placing his hands on her shoulders, searching for words that don't come to him at the last moment. 

"Jyn...please. I'm here. I'm here." 

He's almost relieved when, in true Jyn fashion, she stutters out a string of filthy Hutteese curses amidst her breathless sobs. 

And he's unprepared for it when she bolts to her feet, grabbing his forearms on the way up, and using him to support her frame as she falls into him, burying her face in his shirt until the tears stop freely flowing. 

She's warm and alive and _real_ in his arms, and he runs his fingers through her hair, trying to ground them both with whispered nonsense in his native language. 

It's several long minutes before her shoulders stop shaking, and she finally stiffens in his arms and starts to draw away. 

"Fuck you," says Jyn, and he doesn't know what she means by that but he wholeheartedly agrees because of the way she's looking at him, fire in her red-rimmed eyes. 

"Jyn, I'm..." 

She reaches up to his cheek, and he's surprised when her thumb wipes away a tear. 

He laughs, quietly. Of course he can't look unaffected through this. "Yeah, I missed you." 

"I don't know what to say." Jyn reaches for his face with her other hand as well, cupping his jaw on either sides, her eyes scanning him over. He is transfixed. He hasn't seen her eyes in so long, and he's just as likely to get lost in them as before. "I can't believe you're real." 

"You, too." He presses the lightest of kisses to the top of her head. His jaw feels tight with tension still, because he knows he's holding back tears. "Jyn, I missed you. I never stopped thinking about you. Every time the Empire made me watch a rebellion get crushed, every time I pretended it pleased me, I felt sick. I couldn't have made it through those times without the thought of you." 

Jyn draws circles with her thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away more of the tears that involuntarily escape. He wants to control them, but if he's being honest, he's way past that at this point. His heart aches for his mouth to tell her everything, and the words are ripped out of him. 

"Sometimes I felt sick because you weren't there. I didn't even know your status. The agents I kept in contact with weren't allowed to disclose anything. It was safest I fed them intelligence through a one-way network so it was always just me, talking about Imperial attack plans and whatever the hell they needed to know, without hearing anyone on the other end, no rebel I could talk to. I only got to talk to Draven once, in the second year. He told me you were still alive but that was the last I got to know about you, and Rogue One." 

"Cassian..." 

Alright, yes, his voice is breaking and the tension is turning into tears, but he can't bring himself to care so long as he gets everything out.

"I thought I'd never make it out of that assignment alive, or sane, or at least as the person I was when I walked into it. Every time I had those doubts, I imagined this scenario, today, the day I'd meet you again, and it was a different one each time but it was always preferable to the alternative of never seeing you again. It was happy whenever I could make it happy. I tried to live as if tomorrow was going to be that day, because that philosophy kept me sane. Jyn, the number of times I wanted to just quit and come home, even if that would throw everything to hell, just to see you again. I couldn't...it was so easy to forget myself. I couldn't forget you." 

"Look at me," Jyn's voice is firm, and clear even to his sensitive ears. "Cassian, look at me." 

He does. He wants to do nothing else for the rest of the years left in him, because he's missed it for too long. 

Her eyes are searching in his. 

"It's over. You don't have to pretend to be an Imp anymore. You're with us now, and you're safe." 

Her gaze softens. 

"And I don't care where the rebellion wants to send us next, but we're going together. If you don't want to go anywhere and you want a break, I'll stick around with you, too. You'll never have to miss me again." 

Cassian turns his face and kisses her palm. It sounds too good to be true, but with the war over, he can have hope. He's grateful. For the offer and for Jyn. He doesn't know how to express just how grateful he is. 

"I love you." 

The confession is blurted, but it comes naturally, spilling from his lips as easily as though he says it everyday. 

Truth is, he's never said it before. But when the promise of death doesn't hang as directly above their heads as it used to, he doesn't regret letting her know, and searches her eyes for a reaction. 

Jyn blinks rapidly, and he wonders if he's made a mistake.

But then she's drawing him in, pushing up on her toes, and _oh_.

Her lips are soft, so unbelievably soft on his, and it's nothing like the dizzying rush of sensation of the harvest festival. It's gentle and reaffirming and everything he's been denied his whole life, and his heart does something funny in his chest. 

She's smiling when she pulls back, a bittersweet smile that tells him everything he needs to know. He's loved. He was missed. She knows the realities of war and that their fight isn't over, but she's willing to acknowledge this. 

"You have perfect fucking timing," Jyn laughs. "Really, Cassian? I'm still trying to process the first few things you said." 

But this is too good and bright and better than he deserves, so he can't help but kiss her again, smiling into the corner where her lips tick upwards. 

"I do. Love you," he says again, because it's true, and he can't say it enough. It's not enough to express how he feels, but it's the best he is going to come up with. 

"Yeah, yeah," Jyn rolls her eyes, but the grin splitting her face gives her away, as does the bright tinge of colour in her cheeks. 

Her gaze darts over to the side, probably to avoid the stupidly sappy look he is sure he has on his face, and something else catches her eye. 

"You bought me sweets?" 

"They were...given to me," he admits. "But they're all yours now." 

Jyn disentagles herself from him and he immediately misses the contact, but he feels so ridiculously light-headed and happy that he can't even object. 

Her pleased groan catches his attention. 

"These are fucking delicious." She pops a whole sphere of nutty brown chocolate into her mouth. The chocolate has melted, so it clings to her fingers, and _of course_ she promptly licks them. "You really know the way to a girl's heart, don't you?" 

He sits on the table beside her, and he can't believe he's got this far and survived so long, but he sends a thanks out to the Force and whatever else in the galaxy that may have played a part in the stars aligning for this moment. 

"You don't have to put yourself on whatever assignment I get, Jyn," he tells her quietly. "It'll probably be a thankless job, something you'll hate doing. It's enough for me if I can just see you whenever you have the time, and keep in touch more often.” 

Jyn rolls her eyes, like she was expecting this objection and waiting for it. 

"Four years, Andor. I went four years not knowing what the hell was happening on your end, either, and I never want to go through that again. You're saddled with me whether you like it or not." 

She pauses, brows furrowing slightly in contemplation, before her lips quirk into a small smirk. 

"Also, now that we've established that we like each other, we could even have a little fun." 

Cassian is good at reading people, and even better at reading Jyn. He can tell that all the playfulness- getting _distracted_ by the sweets on the table, avoiding heavy words to describe her feelings- stems from a place that he's familiar with, from old fears of abandonment and a life lived without any form of consistency. 

He can't make promises today, when he's just returned from four years without seeing her. By all intents and purposes, the rebellion's work made him leave her behind, too. 

But he came back. He will always come back so long as he lives. 

And now, if it turned out that the Alliance could do without him, he might never have to leave her side again. 

He reaches for her hand on the table, and her fingers tighten around his. She knows what he's thinking. Knows that he understands. 

Her eyes are impossibly gentle when they lock with his, but that playfulness is still there, because she feels just as light-hearted now as he does. It feels like a happy ending, even though they know it's not the end yet, but they're both going to indulge in this moment.

"Welcome home, Cassian." 

And he knows that he is. 

 

 


	13. Genderbent AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genderbent Rebelcaptain AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find my art of genderbent!Jyn over [HERE](https://hoofgirl.tumblr.com/post/184298062627/genderbent-jyn-erso-but-lets-be-honest-han). 
> 
> I have to be honest, this AU was incredibly confusing to write at first because I'm familiar with these characters the way they are, but it was 11.40pm when I started writing this and it was also a lot of fun. I changed their names because that made things a little more clear. 
> 
> Please excuse any mistakes as a product of sleep-depravation. Enjoy!

K-2SO sometimes wished he was one of those simply-wired astromechs who could power themselves down in a manner of seconds. His circuits, unfortunately, were too advanced of a system for casual napping, and it would take minutes to restart again into full capacity, so K-2 resigned himself to his fate of enduring the inexhaustible  argument happening in the cargo bay. 

"That's not an exit plan, that's a suicide attempt," Cassia nearly growled, her fingers digging into her arms where she'd crossed them. "We're not partisans, remember. We'd like to live to fight another day." 

K-2 had to admit, he was impressed with how calm his reprogrammer was being in today's Big Fight. She usually was, keeping a cool head under even the most trying circumstances, but the Erso boy had proven an exceptional case ever since he'd come barging into their lives, six months ago. 

Erso, who must be grating on Captain Andor's last nerve by now, scowled at her from where he was lounging by the dejarik table, feet propped carelessly on the board. 

"It's feasible. It's practical." He pulled his feet back down, possibly to look more confronting or serious. "And in any case, it's better than _your_ strategy of masquerading as civilians to get out of that maze." 

Cassia bristled, and yes, she was almost at the end of her patience. Almost. 

"It's never failed me before." 

"Have you even _seen_ the layouts of that place?" Jin pushed his chair back, and any moment now, K-2 predicted, they were going to physically confront each other, although there was a very low chance of actual punches being thrown. At least they were more mature and respectful than that, but by this point, Kay almost wished their arguments just ended in fistfights rather than stretch on for hours on end. "It's a fortress. It's big and split into different sections and it's confusing. If we take _one_ wrong turn on the way out while being chased by troopers, we sure as hell aren't going to live to fight another day!" 

Cassia raised an eyebrow, almost in challenge. "Are you that concerned about your bad sense of direction? We don't take a wrong turn. It's that simple. I committed the map to memory and you were supposed to do the same." 

Jin clenched his teeth. "Cassia. _Listen_ to me. In that chaos we're not going to remember any map, we're just going to run whichever direction is not being fired at." 

"Oh, for kriff's sake!" Kay's reprogrammer crossed the room in two strides, ending with her fists slammed against the table before Erso. "I have been running missions like this for _years_ , Erso. I bloody well know how it works. I've been there dozens of times and I know a stupid idea when I see one." 

"You won't be calling it stupid when your inflexible plan lands you in shit," Jin shot back. "You have no contingency. _Nothing_."

Cassia's eyes went dark as she stepped back and away, calmly. K-2 watched as she fingered open her jacket collar to reveal a camouflaged patch inside. 

He felt something that must have been mild alarm in his emotive processing center, because his reprogrammer should not have to reach for that patch- not now, not _ever_.

Jin's reaction was significantly more expressive. He _did_ spring to his feet and reach for Cassia, who neatly swerved out of the way. 

"This is my contingency, Erso," she said, so coldly and fearlessly that Kay felt something akin to dread, too. He knew his charge didn't value her life above its use to the rebellion, but he had never before seen her so brazenly talk of the lullaby pill. He'd never seen her talk about it at all. 

Was he foolish for always, subconsciously, thinking that it'd never come down to that? What use was his statistical analysis prowess if he refused to call on it where his charge was concerned? 

"You don't...that's not a..." Erso was finding words difficult, struggling to keep a straight face that matched the Captain's. "Cassia, that's not...a way out." 

Cassia shrugged, buttoning the collar back up, hiding the dreadful patch out of view. "It is for rebel agents. I'm sorry, Jin, but I can't go with your plan. If we are captured in that state- and that's very likely, because it's too much of a risk as the place is too well-monitored- my _contingency_ could easily turn useless, because I wouldn't get the chance to use it. Now under my plan, if we reached a dead end...I have time, you know?" 

K-2 turned his optics on Erso, trying to gauge his reaction. He looked, for lack of a better word, _dumbfounded_. 

"Cass--" 

"Also," Cassia cut her off. "The reason I just explained that to you is because you are not coming on this mission with me. You don't have a contingency if we meet a dead end." 

Jin blinked, trying hard to process _this_ new piece of information immediately after the last. "What? You said I was going, we were going together. That's why I memorised the map-" 

"You were always supposed to be on the comms, and watching from the security feed." Cassia's expression turned just a bit softer. "So that on the off-chance that I meet a dead end, you could tell me where to go next." 

A second passed. Two seconds. A few more heartbeats and power cycles. 

From the very first day, K-2SO had decided that Jin Erso's actions were difficult to predict at the best of times. This was, by no means, the best of times, and so he did not see it coming when Jin wrapped his reprogrammer in a sudden fierce hug, eliciting a surprised squeak from his charge. 

"I want to go with you," said Jin, pressing his forehead to hers. "I want to watch your back so you don't go and do something stupid like get shot or swallow that damn pill, but if I can be of more help from in the ship watching the security feeds then by the fucking Force, I will do it." 

Here's another thing Kay had noticed from the beggining; his charge's behavior around Erso, sometimes, could be equally unforeseen and unpredictable. 

"I honestly expected you to kick up a fuss about that," she commented, but she was biting back a laugh, and her arms were snaking around Erso's neck. "It's...kind of your nature." 

Jin snorted, but grinned right back, shaking his head. "What, wanting to keep you safe? Can you blame me, with all the dumb things you try to get away with?" 

"I don't need you keeping me safe." Cassia brushed back a lock of hair behind his ear. Her eyes never left his. "But I appreciate it. I really do." 

 For the first time, K-2 wished his optics weren't advanced enough to catch the tiniest flickers of movement, like Jin's eyes briefly darting down to his reprogrammer's lips. 

"Cassia?" 

"Hm?" 

Time to initiate power-off sequence. It would take a few minutes and this whole debacle would probably be over by then, but at least then he wouldn't have to bear witness to any possible follow-up. 

"Can I...would you mind if I..." Jin Erso's nervousness was almost palpable. K-2 almost wished his charge would reject his offer, because this time he could predict what was about to happen and it did not appease him one bit. 

"No," Cassia threaded her fingers through Jin's hair, and K-2 tried to speed up the shutdown process. "Not at all." 

The kiss was long, deliberate and full of feeling, and it wasn't even a few seconds in until Jin had his charge backed up against the dejarik table, his hands dangerously low on her hips, hers sliding slowly down his chest, creasing his shirt. 

K-2SO eventually did feel his world go gratefully blank, but not before he caught sight of Erso lifting his reprogrammer up onto the table and seamlessly settling between her legs. 

He was going to have to initiate a memory-wiping sequence as soon as he woke up. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: Thank you to everyone who supported my one-shots and art of this AU! As requested, there’s now a full fic up on my profile :) do check it out!


	14. Rainy Weather/Intimacy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, it’s _two_ ficlets written in a sleep-deprived state! The first one is a sensory prompt of sorts, and the second one is the period ficlet that I promised this fandom a long time ago but never really got around to writing. 
> 
> Enjoy!

**Rainy Weather (M)**

 

It was on their third day stationed on the tropical moon with little to no incident that Cassian didn't wake up at his usual time. Jyn was almost startled to roll over and find him still in bed, buried beneath the covers while it rained outside, cold seeping into the room through the condensation on the windows and the insulation offered by the wooden floors.

Still, it wasn't an oppressive kind of cold like what they were used to on Hoth. Jyn could even admit to herself that it was pleasant. If there wasn't a mission to be running, she'd be tempted to stay in bed for at least an hour longer.

"Cassian." She nudged his knee with hers under the sheets. "Cassian, it's six."

His eyes fluttered open, adjusting to wakefulness easily. It was an aquire skill, of sorts, that they'd both picked up somewhere along the course of their lives. Cassian was wide awake in a handful of seconds, and she was almost sorry to lose the serenity that graced his features when he slept.

"I went back to sleep," he said, making no effort to sit up. "There's nothing we need to do here today."

Jyn sighed. She'd really woken him up for nothing then, hadn't she?

"Okay." Her voice was quiet, not intentionally so by instinctively, because it felt sacreligious to disturb the peace. There was only the sound of falling rain outside and their chests rising and falling steadily in breath. Jyn turned over, facing the window to lie on her preferred side.

The sheets rustled faintly behind her and Cassian's arm lightly encircled her waist. She leaned back into the offered warmth. It was in pleasant contrast to the rain-gifted cold.

"Whole day off?" she asked, not daring to believe it.

Cassian chuckled softly. "Whole day off," he assured her, pressing a kiss to her shoulder through the thin sleep shirt. She leaned even further back into his embrace.

Her eyes were starting to slip shut when she felt something tickling the back of her neck.

" _Hey._ "

He grinned against her skin, kissing the base of her spine again. He nuzzled into her neck, lips never leaving the lazy path they were charting.

She squirmed against him, wanting to turn over and kiss him but also go back to sleep. They rarely got the opportunity to sleep for more than four hours at a stretch and she had every intention of taking this opportunity.

"Cassian, Kay is in the next room."

Cassian muffled a laugh against her shoulder blade. "He already knows."

"He doesn't have to know _now._ "

Her breath got caught when he teasingly bit her earlobe. "Please?" he murmured, dragging a kiss along the side of her neck. "Come on, Jyn. I want to taste you."

She felt her cheeks heat up. " _Cassian._ "

The hand not on her waist slid smoothly over her hip before drifting slowly down the front of her thighs. She swallowed a would-be groan. "I'm serious. We don't even have a locking door."

Cassian moved so fast she didn't have the chance to stop him. Within seconds she was on her back and he was making his way down her body, running his thumbs over the fasteners of her pants and giving her a wide-eyed look she couldn't refuse.

Jyn huffed, but if she was being honest, the desire for sleep had long since left her, and an entirely different strain of desire made her skin tingle in anticipation.

"Fine," she relented, but he definitely didn't miss the interest in her voice. "But don't alert your droid and let me say I told you so."

 

* * *

**Intimacy (G)**

 

"I hate this planet."

Cassian looked over his shoulder from where he'd been surveying the landscape around their safehouse. It was a small nest hidden under the face of a cliff, difficult to spot in the mountainous region. Dark slopes of uneven rock and the occasional brush of snow had made it a tough climb up. Half an hour later, they were still recovering from it. Cassian because of his injuries from Scarif, and she...well, she was not in her best form today.

"It'll be over in a week," said Cassian, walking over to where she leaned against the wall, perched on an uncomfortable ledge shaped from the rock itself. "Draven believes this operation is a waste of time. He doesn't want to expend too many resources on it."

Jyn quirked an eyebrow. "He doesn't think we'll find an Imperial stronghold?"

Cassian shook his head. "He doesn't think this stronghold is _worth it._ " He sat down heavily in the space she made for him. "He's going by our most recent reports while the rest of Command is hooked on disproved theories."

Jyn allowed her shoulders to slump, hissing through her teeth in frustration. "So that _climb_ was a kriffing waste of time?"

His responding smile was a wry one. "You've been through worse."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. No. Not when my stomach is cramping up and it hurts to walk."

Cassian frowned, concern flitting across his features. "Why does it hurt?"

Jyn sighed, stretching back against the wall in the hopes that it would work away the kinks in her back. Her body was giving her hell, and it didn't usually get this bad, but _usually_ she didn't have several miles of ragged terrain to navigate in the hot sun.

She really shouldn't have brought it up. When he glanced his way again, Cassian was regarding her with a worried look, the kind she only got when she was hiding an injury from him and he could still tell.

"Jyn, what hurts? Are you alright?"

"Yeah," she crossed her legs tight together, trying to chase away the soreness. "I'm not hurt."

Cassian narrowed his eyes, turning to fully face her. "I don't believe you."

" _Cassian._ "

"Jyn-"

"My period. Not the best time for rock-climbing. That's all." She stared objectively down at her knees, feeling her cheeks heat up. "It's fine."

An awkward silence settled in the room, and while she couldn't bring herself to look at him, the rational corner of her brain reminded her that she was not some demurely-raised Core girl to be embarrassed about _menstruation,_ of all things.

"Kirff," said Cassian finally. "You could've opted out of this, Jyn. You know that option is always available."

She snorted. "Because of _this?_ "

"It's a legitimate reason. You don't have to give me reasons, anyway." Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him nervously run a hand through his hair. "Can I help?"

She did look his way then. "What?"

Cassian cleared his throat. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Jyn blinked, confused for a moment (nobody had ever offered to _help)_ , before she shook her head and diverted her gaze to the window opposite. "It's fine."

Another lengthy silence, before Cassian got to his feet, a hand placed lightly on her shoulder.

"I'll take first watch," he said gently. "Get some rest."

"You don't have to-"

"Jyn." He squeezed her shoulder. "You're always telling me to take care of my health, remember? Please. Don't push yourself more than you have to. You'll feel better after some sleep."

Jyn sighed, but she couldn't really argue with his words. More so the way he presented them, looking at her with such transparent affection that she almost wished she was back in the hot sun, just to have an excuse for the colour rising in her cheeks.

"Thanks."

Cassian was kneeling by their packs before she could cross the floor and get to them herself. She stayed where she was, feeling oddly nervous yet undeniably _safe_ while he opened up a bedroll and settled it down in the smoothest corner of the floor after some searching. He removed both pillows from the pack- hers and his- to arrange them on the mat. A single pillow wasn't worth much comfort, but she could see two of them working marginally better.

She sat on the mat, getting familiar with the space. He'd chosen the spot well. When she looked up, Cassian rifling through their box of medical supplies.

She coughed into her fist to get his attention. "There's really no need."

"We're not running short," said Cassian matter-of-factly, tossing her a card of painkillers.

Jyn resigned herself to it, swallowing two of the pills before settling down on her back. She pulled the extra pillow over her stomach, already feeling the lull of sleep.

Her eyes fluttered open in surprise when she felt Cassian brush a lock of hair away from her face, and he was giving her that look _again,_ the one that said too much and not enough at all at the same time.

"Okay?" he murmured, carefully drawing his hand back.

Jyn wanted to keep him where he was, thread her fingers through his at least until she fell asleep, but they weren't there yet. They were a long way from that kind of intimacy.

Although, if she was _really_ being honest with herself, today they'd crossed another threshold of intimacy and she dared believe, more than before, that he felt the same way.

In another life, she might've had something appropriately sappy to tell him. But the best she could do now was nod, and touch her fingers against the back of his hand in thanks.

Four hours later, Cassian turned out to be correct. Nothing hurt nearly as much, and she offered to station herself at the window with his scope while he caught up on lost sleep.

She forced him to take a painkiller for his back, and gently brushed the hair out of his eyes before he closed them.

Tomorrow, they'd find out for themselves if this whole operation was really a waste of time. For now, though, Jyn had a little more time to feel at home.

 


End file.
